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Band 2.5

Today our communications, medicine and transport system all depends on computer technology. Our reliance on the co.puter technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. to what extend do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #system #computer #technology #reliance #co #puter #fields #situation
In
the
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apply
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contemporary times,
computer
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computers
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 completely revolutionized the
life style
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lifestyle
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 of
the
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apply
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human beings. It
is
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apply
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discussed
by
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apply
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some scholars that nowadays every
sector
 like telecommunications,
health
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the health
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sector
 and automobiles involves the usage of the computer which
have
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has
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 negative effects. I
as well
Rephrase
also
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 think that above
discussed
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above-discussed
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 trend
have
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has
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hazardeous
Correct your spelling
hazardous
 consequences and upcoming writing will discuss some of the points explaining
this
 narrative. First of all, computers have improved the efficiency of every
sector
 as work is done within
the
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apply
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seconds which which would have taken several days to be done by
a conventional methods
Correct the article-noun agreement
conventional methods
a conventional method
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. As Machinery can do calculations and
the
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apply
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process the result within a few seconds so
that is
 why its usage can be introduced in every field.
For instance
, in
health
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the health
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sector
 computers store information
of
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about
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 all the patients and medications suggested to them are
also
 kept
inrecord
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in record
instead
 of
writing
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written
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 on the register.
This
have
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has
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 made curing the disease easy.
Hence
, introduction of the new technology
have
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has
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increase
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increased
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 the speed of working in all
the
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apply
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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. On the
second
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other
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 hand,
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 can reduce the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
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Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, make sure to address both sides of the argument - how reliance on computer technology can be seen as dangerous, but also the potential benefits. Fully develop both perspectives for a balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay into clear paragraphs with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. This will improve the coherence and ensure your arguments are well-organized.
task achievement
Provide specific examples for each point you discuss to strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the importance of computer technology across various sectors.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents a clear viewpoint and sets up for a discussion on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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