Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

There are some species of
animals
which wiped out completely, and a lot of them have become endangered. In
this
essey
Correct your spelling
essay
, I will delve into the most common reasons for
this
and propose a pragmatic solution to tackle
this
issue.
To begin
with, one major
problem
of animal extinction is the destruction of
animals
' habitats for commercial reasons. To put it another way, the relentless pursuit of profit and development often leads to the degradation of ecosystems, leaving countless species with nowhere to live, hunt, or reproduce.
For example
, the deforestation of the Amazon rainforest to make way for agricultural land leaves many
animals
without a home, overfishing can lead to depletion of marine resources.
As a result
, the population of
animals
will start to decline and can pose an ultimately threatening biodiversity and the stability of our planet's natural balance. To
addressing
Wrong verb form
address
show examples
this
problem
the government should make laws to protect natural habitats. These laws could restrict the amount of forest that a country could cut down in a year and punish companies that do not follow them.
Furthermore
, the local authorities should impose a high tax on overfishing. Another
problem
concern is killing
animals
.
In other words
, the act of taking life not only has profound ethical issues but
Rephrase
also
show examples
has a detrimental impact on wildlife, contributing to the decrease of species and disruption of the ecosystem.
For instance
, poaching of elephants' tusks, which are popular on the black market,
consequently
, can lead to
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
decrease in the elephants' population. To grapple with
this
issue government should implement strict legislation
according to
all kinds of poaching. They could be fined or even sent to prison. In conclusion, more and more wildlife is being threatened by human activity and it is up to humans to solve the
problem
. In my opinion, the government should promote conservation efforts for nature and respect for wildlife.
Submitted by dovhanhelen2020 on

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task response
Ensure that each argument fully relates to the topic, ideally by directly linking back to the main argument at the end of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Refine sentence transitions. Using varied linking words will improve the flow of the essay, enhancing readability.
task response
Pay attention to grammatical details and fix minor spelling errors like 'essey' to maintain the essay's professionalism and credibility.
task response
The essay provides a comprehensive response with well-developed main points and specific examples, such as the deforestation of the Amazon and the poaching of elephant tusks.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout and there's a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making the argument easy to follow.
task response
The ideas are generally clear and supported by relevant examples, showing thoughtful engagement with the topic.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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