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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion.

#people #immigrants #culture #country #alternative #environment #minority #community #two
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A group of individuals assert that the new settlers must assimilate into the other
culture
while
 others debate that they should retain  their own background. I acknowledge that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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comments can be brought to work simultaneously.
This
 essay will discuss each of these perspectives
along with
 my viewpoint in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with the former idea, merging into a
culture
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
significant value as it can eliminate the chances of cultural controversies against
new comers
Correct your spelling
newcomers
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 as the existing population will not suffer from fear of
loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 dominance in their own country.
Moreover
, the immigrants can
also
 discover some other traditions existing on the same land by instilling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge about the history of additional
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 into themselves.
Thus
,
this
 sort of practice can serve to nurture connections between variant groups of people. On the controversial side, the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 motion is
also
 commendable as preserving their own
culture
 by establishing
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
show examples
 community can foster their confidence and
this
 can help them to bolster their dedication towards their ambition of moving to a new region. Not only
thsi
Correct your spelling
this
, but it can be a positive way to embody
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 own
culture
 in order to remain distant from getting a
culture
 shock.
Therefore
,
this
 opinion can be proved
Change preposition
on a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right track to make their
culture
 Immortal. In conclusion
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
, immigrants should focus
to bridge
Change preposition
on bridging
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 a society that embraces both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
principles can thrive by not
having
Verb problem
being
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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brainwash
Replace the word
brainwashed
show examples
 regarding their own
culture
 and respecting the background of others at the same time.
Submitted by ranjot01jan on

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task response
Consider using more specific examples and illustrations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
At times, your connections between ideas can be made smoother to enhance flow. Use more transitive elements and linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay effectively.
task response
The ideas presented are relevant and cover both perspectives of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • integrate
  • social harmony
  • cultural conflicts
  • economic opportunities
  • local market needs
  • cultural identity
  • emotional support
  • preserve traditions
  • social cohesion
  • unity
  • stable and harmonious society
  • economic impact
  • participate
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • diverse perspectives
  • innovation
  • global connections
  • sense of identity
  • mental health
  • well-being
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