IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#technology #impact #environment #say #people #lifestyle
Fast-paced technological advancement is becoming a problem for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Such that
Correct quantifier usage
That
show examples
 life has become more complex and difficult than was in the past.
Hence
, many people suggest switching back to
simpler
Correct article usage
a simpler
show examples
 lifestyle
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
possible
Add an article
a possible
show examples
 solution to
present day
Add a hyphen
present-day
show examples
 headaches
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 oppose it and consider technology only being the best ever solution. Though I agree with the latter statement but will
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
 discuss both viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs. First of all, getting back to archaic ways can be effective to get rid of
environemental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues.
For example
, increasing the use of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
.
This
 will not only help humans to become more healthier but will reduce CO2
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 from various vehicles around the world.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, reducing pollution
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 to
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 extent.
Moreover
, there will be less production of
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
 and the
environement
Correct your spelling
environment
 will heal.
Thus
, numerous
porblems
Correct your spelling
problems
 can be eradicated if humankind
shift
Change the verb form
shifts
show examples
 back to simpler ways of living.
Secondly
, technology can be
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another way for people to save
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Since pupils
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their best
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mind and have developed things to make life more comfortable,
then
 there is
Correct article usage
a possibilty
show examples
possibilty
Correct your spelling
possibility
to use
Change preposition
of using
show examples
 knowledge and
machinaries
Correct your spelling
machineries
 to develop more
environemnet
Correct your spelling
environment
 friendly things.
For instance
, an amazing development is the electronic vehicles that do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 emit any kind of gases that harm the planet and are safe to operate.
Therefore
, technology can prove to be beneficial in solving problems created by engineering itself.
To conclude
, it can be said that both of ways can prove really helpful
however
 I ponder it might not be possible to go back in the past completely as humans have reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 level where they can actually make use of
innvoations
Correct your spelling
innovations
innovation
 to work for the
beterment
Correct your spelling
betterment
 of the planet.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language use
Ensure consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay for clarity.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to provide more depth in your examples to effectively support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use more sophisticated linking words to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, setting a thoughtful tone for the essay.
task response
You effectively address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!