IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#technology #impact #environment #say #people #lifestyle
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Fast-paced technological advancement is becoming a problem for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
Linking Words
Such that
Correct quantifier usage
That
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 life has become more complex and difficult than was in the past.
Hence
Linking Words
, many people suggest switching back to
simpler
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a simpler
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 lifestyle
for
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as
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possible
Add an article
a possible
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 solution to
present day
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present-day
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 headaches
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 oppose it and consider technology only being the best ever solution. Though I agree with the latter statement but will
try
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try to
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 discuss both viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs. First of all, getting back to archaic ways can be effective to get rid of
environemental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues.
For example
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, increasing the use of
bicycle
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bicycles
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.
This
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 will not only help humans to become more healthier but will reduce CO2
emission
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emissions
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 from various vehicles around the world.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, reducing pollution
level
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levels
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 to
great
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a great
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 extent.
Moreover
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, there will be less production of
automobile
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automobiles
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 and the
environement
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environment
 will heal.
Thus
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, numerous
porblems
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problems
 can be eradicated if humankind
shift
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shifts
show examples
 back to simpler ways of living.
Secondly
Linking Words
, technology can be
an
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apply
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another way for people to save
environment
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the environment
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. Since pupils
used
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use
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 their best
of
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apply
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mind and have developed things to make life more comfortable,
then
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 there is
Correct article usage
a possibilty
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possibilty
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possibility
to use
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of using
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 knowledge and
machinaries
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machineries
 to develop more
environemnet
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environment
 friendly things.
For instance
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, an amazing development is the electronic vehicles that do
no
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not
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 emit any kind of gases that harm the planet and are safe to operate.
Therefore
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, technology can prove to be beneficial in solving problems created by engineering itself.
To conclude
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, it can be said that both of ways can prove really helpful
however
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 I ponder it might not be possible to go back in the past completely as humans have reached
at
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a
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 level where they can actually make use of
innvoations
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innovations
innovation
 to work for the
beterment
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betterment
 of the planet.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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language use
Ensure consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay for clarity.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to provide more depth in your examples to effectively support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use more sophisticated linking words to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, setting a thoughtful tone for the essay.
task response
You effectively address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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