IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
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In the present day and age, a certain section of people lean towards the idea that voluntary activities should be obligatory for the young generation during their leisure
time
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, which is likely to play a significant role in the community
as well as
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 in teenage personal life. I do not entirely agree with these aforementioned assertions and will render a brief why in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the advantages of unpaid
work
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 not only aid one soft skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 encourage the pupils to connect with the nation more and more.
In other words
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, if young inhabitants do social
work
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 , it can unfold their personality issues
such
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 as shyness and anger,
along with
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 broadening their communication horizon.
Likewise
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, by working in their spare
time
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, children can get help in future in planning their lives and prevent wasted
time
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. To cite an example, a commonly witnessed phenomenon at Toronto University is that, students who did free
work
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 during their studies had a great skill of
time
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 management;
hence
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, social services will serve both youth and society.
On the other hand
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, welfare
work
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 requires an individual who is mentally and financially well-being.To exemplify
this
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, during education majority of students are not capable of doing
work
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along with
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 studying. Many of them have to worry about school stuff, namely, tests, projects, presentations, and so on.
Furthermore
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, Money is always the motivation for working hard , it is hard for one to accept
this
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 type of
work
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, which results in no wages. Adolescence is a crucial period for academic pursuits, community service could detract from their studies, which are essential for their educational foundation. In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that even though public services shape positive individual personality , working for the community is a personal perspective which is dire to ignore.
Submitted by rajputashutosh0009 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic with reasons supporting the viewpoint, but it can be enhanced by offering arguments addressing both sides more thoroughly, which would provide a more balanced consideration.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph centers around a clear, singular idea and has a logical progression from one paragraph to the next. Transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining the clarity of the argument.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, such as the reference to students at Toronto University, providing a real-world connection to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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