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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children who are brought up in families which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #children #families #amounts #money #adult #life
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Social concerns about whether
children
Use synonyms
's problem-solving ability lies with their family's economic condition have been widely discussed, one party believes the not wealthy family provides a practical situation for youngsters in order to foster excellent capability,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree,
However
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, I firmly disagree with
this
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 point. Admittedly,
children
Use synonyms
 born in a poor family would have learnt the necessity of fortune, which directly impacts their ideology of spending,
further
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 helping them to establish a mature mindset at an early age.
For instance
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, kids born in an economically difficult family often take up the responsibility of caring and sharing at an early age, situations like
this
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 would help them to accumulate experience and strategy when facing obstacles,
However
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,
problems
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 cannot be solved with a mere mindset and resolve, it takes
connections
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, one's scope and knowledge, Which are usually unavailable for lower class citizens.
On the other hand
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, upper-class families normally acquire higher educational backgrounds, which enables them to work a more precise and pragmatic life schedule for their offspring.
For example
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, a lawyer family would have a better career plan for their kids, ensuring a better college degree for their siblings.
This
Linking Words
 would help them to avoid much of unnecessary
problems
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 in the first place.
Moreover
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, the
connections
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 and experiences collected by the wealthy family
also
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 play an important role for their
children
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 when
problems
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 occur.
For instance
Linking Words
, rich families often have
connections
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 with equally stated people, which provides a chain of resources of opportunity to be crucial when facing difficulties. In conclusion, despite the advantages brought by a rigid living condition as the family is poor,
children
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 raised in a wealthy family commonly behave better cultivated with useful social
connections
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, which are essential keys to solving future
problems
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.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction clearly reflects your stance, and link it consistently throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or details that illustrate your points effectively.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address any possible opposing views more explicitly to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and capture the main points effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You use a logical structure that links ideas well from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
The essay stays focused on the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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