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Band 5.5

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #city #homes #spaces #areas #development
In today’s society, with the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in the city, the number of individuals who live in homes with limited spaces or no outdoor sector has increased. From
this
 phenomenon, I believe that it is a negative development.
Firstly
, the comfort level of the living environment could be dropped, which might affect
people
’s physical and mental health.
For instance
, residents who live in small spaces
are lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 enough areas to move, and
people
 would decrease
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the volume of
activities
, which can affect individuals’ health.
Secondly
, lacking outdoor areas might limit residents from doing some outside
activities
such
 as gardening, taking a walk, and some simple leisure
activities
 . It is well-known that these
activities
 play a significant role in improving residents’ emotions and relieving their stress.
Thus
, if
people
 stay at home for a long time,
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will make
people
 be in a bad mood or their stress cannot be relieved.
Furthermore
, the live model of high-density might have stress on the city’s infrastructure, like water support, electric support and traffic system.
For example
, if the city’s infrastructure is not good,
people
 living in
this
 area would suffer a shortage of water and electricity or gases. At the same time, it would increase noise and pollution. In conclusion, I believe that
people
 living in small spaces is a negative development.
While
 some argue that the high-density live model could avoid the waste of
soil-resource
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
, and can make the city more efficient and sustainable, I think the government should prioritize residents’ physical and mental health,
as well as
 improve the city’s efficiency and save resources, and make a well-funded society.
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph follows logically from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points are fully supported with detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on each point, to provide a deeper insight into the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the given topic.
task achievement
The response addresses the essay prompt directly, offering a clear position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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