IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

nowadays many people use social media do you think advantages of this outweigh disadvantages

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At present, a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 are using social
media
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 in order to communicate, gain information and promote their business. Some claim that
this
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 has an adverse effect on the living society
while
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 I am a proponent of the view that the benefits of using social
networks
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 exceed the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will elucidate both the merits and the downsides of
this
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 phenomenon. There is a myriad of advantages to these platforms. Primarily,
this
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 allows the community to interact with close ones who live far away.
For example
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, instant messengers
such
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 as WhatsApp can be used to make video calls, allowing
people
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 to share important life news.
Thus
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, social
media
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 is crucial to strengthen relationships with others.
Furthermore
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, social
networks
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 play a key role in receiving information.Users are able to subscribe to fan pages where they can learn languages, enabling them to boost their language skills.
Finally
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, companies can use social
networks
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 like Instagram to boost their products which not only soars their sales but
also
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 creates product awareness.
Nevertheless
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, it is important to recognize that social
media
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 has a negative impact on society.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 causes addiction.
According to
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 a study, the majority of
people
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 spend around four to five hours on social
media
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 watching unnecessary content, causing them to be lazier than their opponents which leads to a reduction in their daily productivity.
Additionally
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, using an intensive amount of social
networks
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 leads to serious health issues
such
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 as poor vision. Since looking at a screen without taking breaks causes strain on the eyes, many users suffer from eye-related diseases in their later lives.
To conclude
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,
although
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 using social
media
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 has a number of drawbacks
such
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 as addiction and poor vision, I strongly believe that the benefits of
this
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 overshadow the drawbacks, provided
people
Use synonyms
 use these platforms wisely.

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task achievement
While the essay effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, consider including a more balanced evaluation of both sides to achieve a comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance your coherence and cohesion, try using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and ensure a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the main points of the essay and effectively sets up the discussion of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, such as the use of WhatsApp and Instagram, which effectively illustrate the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized communication
  • instant messaging
  • video calls
  • educational tools
  • information and resources
  • social and political issues
  • wider reach
  • targeted advertising
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misuse of personal information
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • misinformation
  • social panic
  • harmful ideologies
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