IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Parents must take a course to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #course
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parents
Use synonyms
 must take a course which is needed to be a good parent. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because when
people
Use synonyms
 get these kinds of
courses
Use synonyms
 they can learn how to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 lessons and how to be kind and other things.
However
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 don't have their own kindness and knowledge to teach to
children
Use synonyms
.
Courses
Use synonyms
 can not influence them. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 should take
courses
Use synonyms
 to be good
parents
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
. Because after being
parents
Use synonyms
 they do not know how to upbringing their
children
Use synonyms
 and they have the lake of knowledge about how to be a good parent.
For instance
Linking Words
: mothers and fathers who take
courses
Use synonyms
 to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 are abused and their
children
Use synonyms
 are more intelligent and clever than their peers.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they should get
courses
Use synonyms
 to learn how to raise a child.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if they have financial problems in their family they can not afford to take
courses
Use synonyms
. Because they have to spend their time earning money and at
this
Linking Words
 moment they can not pay attention to
courses
Use synonyms
. If they do not earn money it
also
Linking Words
 influences
children
Use synonyms
's health and education.
Thus
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 must look at the situation and
secondly
Linking Words
 their own knowledge about life.
To conclude
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 want to learn how to be good
parents
Use synonyms
 they have to take
courses
Use synonyms
 but it
also
Linking Words
 depends on their finances. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should get it because there are benefits for them and
also
Linking Words
 for
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. This can be done by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the last.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more fully to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue and provides a personal opinion in the conclusion, which fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the discussion well.
task achievement
The discussion generally covers the main aspects of both views, showing some depth of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: