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Band 7

Parents must take a course to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #course
Parents
 must take a course which is needed to be a good parent. I partly agree with
this
 idea because when
people
 get these kinds of
courses
 they can learn how to teach their
children
 lessons and how to be kind and other things.
However
, if
people
 don't have their own kindness and knowledge to teach to
children
.
Courses
 can not influence them. On the one hand,
people
 should take
courses
 to be good
parents
 to their
children
. Because after being
parents
 they do not know how to upbringing their
children
 and they have the lake of knowledge about how to be a good parent.
For instance
: mothers and fathers who take
courses
 to take care of their
children
 are abused and their
children
 are more intelligent and clever than their peers.
Therefore
 they should get
courses
 to learn how to raise a child.
On the other hand
, if they have financial problems in their family they can not afford to take
courses
. Because they have to spend their time earning money and at
this
 moment they can not pay attention to
courses
. If they do not earn money it
also
 influences
children
's health and education.
Thus
,
firstly
people
 must look at the situation and
secondly
 their own knowledge about life.
To conclude
, when
people
 want to learn how to be good
parents
 they have to take
courses
 but it
also
 depends on their finances. In my opinion,
people
 should get it because there are benefits for them and
also
 for
children
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. This can be done by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the last.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more fully to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue and provides a personal opinion in the conclusion, which fulfills the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the discussion well.
task achievement
The discussion generally covers the main aspects of both views, showing some depth of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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