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Band 5

Today, the media portrays young people as lazy and disrespectful. Do you think this is true? Are young people today worse than their parents, or does every new generation get criticized by older people?

#media #people #disrespectful #parents #generation
Social concerns about the impact on the nation by
disproportionate
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the disproportionate
a disproportionate
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 distribution of income
has
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have
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 been widely discussed. One party believes the merits are profound
while
 others disagree,
However
,
this
 essay is to illustrate both sides distinctively and
weighing
Wrong verb form
weigh
show examples
 their pros and cons respectively. On the one hand,
government
 interventions can make a better allocation of money to where it is needed the most.
For instance
, people with higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of income tend to place their interests as
priority
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a priority
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,
such
profit aim
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profit-aim
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 motivation often
fail
Correct subject-verb agreement
fails
show examples
 to fulfil the social need by withholding
fundings
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funding
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 for health care, education and infrastructure.
Instead
, vast money is likely put into
investment
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an investment
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real estate, land, and manufacturing machinery.
In contrast
,
government
 intervention by cutting
salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the upper-class
show examples
upper-class
Correct your spelling
upper class
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 would lead to a much
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
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 and equitable resource allocation by poll and
data base
Correct your spelling
database
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 collections.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
 interference by raising taxes and setting salary ceilings could discourage the economy by depressing investors and
start ups
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start-ups
show examples
.
Further
 contributing
massive
Change preposition
to massive
show examples
 unemployment.
For instance
, a cut in income by adding up taxation to successful individuals would disappoint
youngster
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youngsters
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 who
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
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 to establish a business or
start ups
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start-ups
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.
Moreover
, the reduction in salaries would be a
strategical
Replace the word
strategic
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 setback to members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the upper-class
show examples
upper-class
Correct your spelling
upper class
show examples
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 high social status and made enormous
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to the country, resulting in a lower inclination of investments which
further
 leads to economic recession. In conclusion, despite the disadvantages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
economy
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the economy
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 brought by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third party
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third-party
show examples
 interference, a comfortable social security guaranteed by the
government
 policy to a better allocation of money should be put in absolute priority.
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specific examples
Try to provide varied and clearer examples for each point to enhance relevance and specificity.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
complete response
There is a complete response to the task, considering both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
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