IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #live #performance #event #television
Watching a performance live and on
television
 are two different experiences. Live performances are more interactive and are more memorable. I believe that experiencing a performance in person is more enjoyable than watching it on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television
. Going to an event and participating in person creates an unforgettable memory. Feeling the atmosphere,
such
 as hearing the sounds, seeing the lights, and feeling the buzz of excitement around you is something that can't be replicated by
television
.
For example
, going to a
concert
 and watching a
concert
 on
television
 is very different. Being at a
concert
 means you will feel the beat of the music, see the artist in person, and interact with strangers who are experiencing the same event as you.
In addition
, going to a
concert
 involves a lot of preparation. The excitement of choosing your outfit, memorizing the lyrics, and buying merchandise is an experience that a
television
 can replicate.
However
, many people opt to watch concerts on
television
 because of several reasons
such
 as the cost or the inconvenience. Tickets often cost a fortune and other costs
such
 as travel, accommodation and, food are included.
Moreover
, these events have large crowds and they may be overwhelming to some people.
This
 leads to people choosing to stay at home and watch it on
television
 because it is more convenient and is much cheaper than attending. Despite
this
, I believe that the enjoyment you feel by being present at a performance is not comparable to watching it on TV.
Although
, I recommend that these events should be more accessible to the public. Alternatives or compromises should be made so that everyone will get the chance to attend
such
 events.
Submitted by erickacasandra.abas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both live performances and watching them on television. To enhance your response further, consider including more specific examples or insights from personal experience, which can make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, you could enhance coherence by using more linking words and phrases between sentences or within paragraphs to improve the logical flow. This will help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and presents your stance effectively, which helps set the stage for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains logical paragraph divisions, and your main points are well-developed and supported with examples, making your argument persuasive.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that illustrate your points, especially your description of live performance experiences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!