IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

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Some people
belive
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believe
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 that a
mix
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 of
nationalites
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nationalities
nationality
 and
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 in a
country
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 could add more to economic growth and create a more attractive
culture
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will
explaining
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explain
be explaining
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 the points and say why
i
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I
show examples
 strongly agree or
disagre
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disagree
. Big Cities where the economy is more well developed are propensity to be more effervescent and popular.
Everyday
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Every day
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receiving
Wrong verb form
receives
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 a
mix
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 of nationalities and different cultures
and
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apply
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thus
Linking Words
, warming up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism. I strongly agree that
this
Linking Words
 junction of nationalities and
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
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 benefits, and a
country
Use synonyms
 becomes more entertaining and rich. Places like London, which is a
cosmopolit
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cosmopolitan
cosmopolite
country
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,
and
Correct word choice
where
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 the diversity of
nationalites
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nationalities
 are the main aspect, are helped by the
imigration
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immigration
emigration
migration
 that does the
labor
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labour
show examples
 work for
exemple
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example
while
Linking Words
 the natives in the
majorety
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majority
prefer
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prefer to
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 apply to
Change preposition
for qualificated
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qualificated
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qualified
qualification
 jobs. In
addiction
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addition
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, the
mix
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 of
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 helps against
the
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apply
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racism,
thus
Linking Words
 creating a place of greater understanding. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the maxively
mix
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 of different nationalities could take
off
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apply
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the
country
Use synonyms
 its
onw
Correct your spelling
own
now
culture
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,
customs
Correct word choice
and customs
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 and lose it
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
indentity
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identity
. The
exemples
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examples
 I could add
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 my own
experience
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experiences
show examples
. The place that I used to go
when
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to when
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was
teenager
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a teenager
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, is totally dominated by Argentine people, and we as natives have been presenting the
disapering
Correct your spelling
disappearing
diapering
 of the
culture
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, habits and identity. I can not deny the changes and the economic
grown
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growth
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, but sometimes
its
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it's
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fews
Correct your spelling
seems
 like we do not
belonging
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belong
show examples
 to the place. In conclusion,
in
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apply
show examples
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
, I consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
miscegenation potent and necessary to the
developement
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development
 and diversity of the
country
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,
although
Linking Words
, in
spide
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spite
show examples
 of to sum good things if it
is not control
Change the verb form
does not control
show examples
 could
couse sirious
Correct your spelling
cause serious
 harm.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task prompt more consistently. For example, if you agree or disagree, clearly state your position and consistently relate each example and paragraph back to this central standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your ideas with smoother transitions between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Furthermore, ensure that body paragraphs are connected logically and coherently follow each other.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay to unify the central argument, making sure examples directly support the main points being made. Explore each idea more deeply for greater clarity.
relevant specific examples
The essay offers personal observations and examples that are quite specific, enriching the argument presented.
introduction conclusion present
There is a discernible introduction and conclusion, both of which serve their purposes by setting context and summarizing the viewpoint, respectively.
relevant specific examples
The use of known examples, such as London, helps ground the argument in reality, enhancing the overall persuasive effect for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Multiculturalism
  • Social fabric
  • Heterogeneity
  • Integration
  • Global connections
  • Holistic education
  • National identity
  • Tolerance
  • Heritage
  • Enriches
  • Vibrant
  • Clashes
  • Economic competition
What to do next:
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