IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is big number of people who wish to live in big cities what are there advantages and disadvantage

#people #cities
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It is undeniable that residing in metropolitan
cities
 seems like a dream to many individuals
due to
significant
Correct article usage
the significant
show examples
 public amenities provided to them.
However
, apart from
bright
Add an article
the bright
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side
Add a comma
side,
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 there is a negative truth about
cities
 too as urban areas nowadays are so crowded and polluted that it feels like hell living in that place.
This
 essay will analyse both the pros and cons of living in
cities
 with the reason behind
this
 in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the advantages of having
life
 in
cities
. The first and foremost is the access to employment opportunities because it is so true that
people
 living there love to have a luxurious
life
 which aids in providing a number of new careers to
people
.
For instance
, some dog lovers have a different carer for their dog which becomes one of the most demanding jobs in many
cities
.
Thus
, concentrating on businesses, industries, and corporate headquarters in
cities
, residents often find it easier to secure jobs suited to their skills and qualifications.
Moreover
, cultural and social opportunities abound in big
cities
 and can provide residents with access to museums, concert halls, wide variety of cuisines from the whole world, including theatres
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 them
in broadening
Wrong verb form
broaden
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 their perspective
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 living their
life
 which allows them to enjoy as much as they can in their free time and getting knowledge regarding multiculturalism. Despite the advantages, living in big
cities
 can be accompanied by a number of problems. One of the major is high living costs
such
 as housing, food and activities are so expensive that affording them is like a dream to the average earner which even strains their whole
life
 savings .
This
 is all because of demand of individuals for living in
cities
 is increasing day-by-day and it become the reason for inflation in all things.
Furthermore
, on the downside,
cities
 often face issues
such
 as overcrowding and pollution, leading to a lower quantity of
life
. The higher rate of population can lead to waiting to have access to public services and that becomes the reason for stress and health complications.
For example
, it has been recorded that the
people
 living in rural areas are 75% healthier than
people
 in urban areas as the air quality in villages is so pure
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 cannot be found in
cities
.
Hence
, residing in
cities
 is both costly and dangerous for your health.
To conclude
,
although
 city
life
 seems to be so great that everyone wants to feel the same, it is only good when you have money to sustain yourself
otherwise
 a person becomes caught in the vicious circle of 9-5 jobs even without saving anything.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs with appropriate linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in the sections discussing high living costs and employment opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent structure in paragraphing to ensure clear presentation of your arguments. Consider devoting separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the pros and cons of living in big cities.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, bringing closure to your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living in a big city.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban aesthetics
  • promoting tourism
  • boosting local economies
  • enhancing residents' quality of life
  • mental well-being
  • functional design
  • urban challenges
  • population density
  • transportation
  • housing
  • conflict between beauty and functionality
  • urban planning
  • aesthetic appeal
  • practicality
  • case studies
What to do next:
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