It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their futute.Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
people
think that it is important for
people
to save
money
because there are some benefits for their
future
life
while
others think using
money
has many advantages more than using a lot of
money
. In my opinion,
although
wasting
money
has many disadvantages, it can create their
future
life
and it has more advantages outweigh disadvantages.
To begin
, if
people
save
money
,
people
can gain some merits in their
future
such
as having satisfactory mental health and having a flexible lifestyle. Undoubtedly
money
is important for everyone and it can create a better
life
for
people
. When
people
purchase something in terms of house, car, luxury and food, it is quite easy for
people
to get happiness and satisfactory mental health.
Moreover
, saving
money
can lead to better
people
's lives.
People
can reside anywhere and work what they want to do if
people
put
money
away. They can make a decision by themselves and it greatly improves the condition of
people
's living.
However
, setting aside
money
has some disadvantages
such
as losing the opportunity to get experience and perceive more value. Unless
people
are not elderly they should utilize
money
to obtain the experiences.
For instance
, when
people
go study abroad or travel foreign country,
people
can certainly have unforgettable memories and try new experiences. What is more,
people
may make friends, get
Correct article usage
the possibilities
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
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to talk with native
people
and discover the new culture of the host country. Thanks to the use of
money
,
people
can get significant time and memories. It is true that it can positively support
people
's
future
lives and it will create better their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, it is very important for
people
to save
money
, and it can bring
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get better
future
life
.
Nevertheless
,
people
can gain memories, different values, and experiences if they use
money
. Even though some
people
think that there are some drawbacks to wasting
money
, utilizing
money
has enormous advantages.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence that support your main points. This will strengthen your argument by providing concrete illustrations of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, make sure your main points are fully developed and explained. Consider expanding on your arguments where necessary to provide a clearer understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both merits and demerits of saving and spending money. It successfully covers the task prompt by addressing different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction that outlines the main theme of the essay, and a conclusion that wraps up the discussion effectively. This provides a nice structure to your essay.

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