IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their futute.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #futute
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Nowadays,
people
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 think that it is important for
people
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 to save
money
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 because there are some benefits for their
future
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life
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while
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 others think using
money
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 has many advantages more than using a lot of
money
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. In my opinion,
although
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 wasting
money
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 has many disadvantages, it can create their
future
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life
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 and it has more advantages outweigh disadvantages.
To begin
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, if
people
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 save
money
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,
people
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 can gain some merits in their
future
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such
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 as having satisfactory mental health and having a flexible lifestyle. Undoubtedly
money
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 is important for everyone and it can create a better
life
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 for
people
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. When
people
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 purchase something in terms of house, car, luxury and food, it is quite easy for
people
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 to get happiness and satisfactory mental health.
Moreover
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, saving
money
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 can lead to better
people
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's lives.
People
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 can reside anywhere and work what they want to do if
people
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 put
money
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 away. They can make a decision by themselves and it greatly improves the condition of
people
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's living.
However
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, setting aside
money
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 has some disadvantages
such
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 as losing the opportunity to get experience and perceive more value. Unless
people
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 are not elderly they should utilize
money
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 to obtain the experiences.
For instance
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, when
people
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 go study abroad or travel foreign country,
people
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 can certainly have unforgettable memories and try new experiences. What is more,
people
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 may make friends, get
Correct article usage
the possibilities
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 to talk with native
people
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 and discover the new culture of the host country. Thanks to the use of
money
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,
people
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 can get significant time and memories. It is true that it can positively support
people
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's
future
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 lives and it will create better their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, it is very important for
people
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 to save
money
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, and it can bring
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get better
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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,
people
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 can gain memories, different values, and experiences if they use
money
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. Even though some
people
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 think that there are some drawbacks to wasting
money
Use synonyms
, utilizing
money
Use synonyms
 has enormous advantages.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence that support your main points. This will strengthen your argument by providing concrete illustrations of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, make sure your main points are fully developed and explained. Consider expanding on your arguments where necessary to provide a clearer understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both merits and demerits of saving and spending money. It successfully covers the task prompt by addressing different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction that outlines the main theme of the essay, and a conclusion that wraps up the discussion effectively. This provides a nice structure to your essay.
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