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Band 3

In some countries, adults are living with their parents after graduating or even after finding a job. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #job
In
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 nations, children who
are
Verb problem
have
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 reached
age
Add an article
the age
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 of
adult
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adulthood
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are living
Wrong verb form
live
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 with their
parents
 after leaving school or applying for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 occupation. The most advantage side is they know about their
parents
ʼ health and
disadvantage
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
 side is they will become lazy and they do bor want
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 any
jon
Correct your spelling
job
.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my humble opinion, living with their
parents
 more better for them. The one of huge benefits is they feel well about their
parents
ʼ health and
meal
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meals
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. Because they know much more information about their
parents
. And they do not have any
hasitation
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hesitation
 or
exciting
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excitement
show examples
. When they look
at
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
parents
ʼ eyes they get lots of
motivations
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motivation
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 and
supports
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support
show examples
. Because there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much more hope in their eyes which are about their childrenʼs
siccesses
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successes
success
. The main disadvantage side is some adults will become lazy. And they think about just eating or only
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
. They think
most
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the most
show examples
 basic
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life is
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
. But they will feel their
parents
ʼ value when they
loose
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lose
show examples
 their
parents
. Oftentimes, they do not want
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any university. Living with
parents
Add a missing verb
is esoecially
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esoecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 good.
While
manu
Correct your spelling
many
 children love their
parents
. And they want to show their kindness to their
parents
.
Such
 as giving tickets for travel to other countries or to "Umra'' or ''Haj'' if they are
musilman
Correct your spelling
Muslims
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of vocabulary. This will help convey your ideas more clearly and effectively.
Development
Try to develop your ideas further by including more detailed examples or explanations. This will support your arguments better and make your essay more convincing.
Organization
Enhance the clarity of your writing by organizing your essay into clear and distinct paragraphs, each focused on a single idea or point.
Task Achievement
You've clearly presented both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
Engagement
I appreciate that you've given a personal opinion on the topic, indicating your personal engagement and reflection.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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