IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Directors of organizations receive higher salaries than the ordinary worker. Some people think it is necessary while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinionsˋˋ

#directors #organizations #salaries #worker #people #opinionsˋˋ
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society, the gap
of
Change preposition
between
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the
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apply
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poor
people
 and
the
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apply
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rich
people
 are growing, which is unhealthy for the
stableization
Correct your spelling
stabilization
 and development of a
conuntry
Correct your spelling
country
. And
this
 trend has been discovered in multiple developed
conuntries
Correct your spelling
countries
. Some
people
 think those
managers
 don't deserve salaries that are much more
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 the
workers
while
 others
beilive
Correct your spelling
believe
 they do.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, there are some opinion
beiliving
Correct your spelling
believing
workers
 should gain more money
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 they used to.
Due to
 the fact that
workers
 are the group of
people
 who are really producing or
outputing
Correct your spelling
outputting
 the real things.
By contrast
, those directors can only assign the mission to someone,
instead
 doing
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
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themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Therefore
, any worker would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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inevitably
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 unfair cause
by
Change preposition
of
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 these situations.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other hand,
although
 the
people
 who really completed the tasks in the company are
workers
.
However
, most of the giant
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, have well-developed systems to run their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
,
aimming
Correct your spelling
aiming
 to
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 down and
also
 increase profits. These systems were built by the
managers
such
 as
Correct article usage
the Cheif
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Cheif
Correct your spelling
Chief
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 of Execution with their knowledge of
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 administration. On top of that, these skills are invaluable, without good decisions
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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made by the
borad
Correct your spelling
board
 members or the
managers
, the company might
be lose
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
 the
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 war and surpassed by the other
competiters
Correct your spelling
competitors
.
For example
, most worker need someone to supervise their work. They need
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from the
managers
 so they can know their missions and tasks clearly.
Furthermore
, employees
also
 have to cooperate with the other
co-wokers
Correct your spelling
co-workers
.
Due to
 collective
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligence
intelligent
, teamwork can always beat those who don't. In my opinion,
while
 outputting the productions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important, and not replaceable,
however
, they need someone who can make
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 decisions and lead the team to win the market and generate more money.
Submitted by jamexhuang on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Consider organizing your ideas into more distinct paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph presents and supports a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction sets up a clear roadmap of what you will discuss. Likewise, your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and clearly state your opinion.
task achievement
While relevant examples were attempted, try to provide more specific and concrete examples to support your arguments. This will help enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully and clearly developed, perhaps by expanding on your reasoning and providing further elaboration for each point.
task achievement
You've successfully highlighted both sides of the argument regarding high directors' salaries, which is crucial for task response.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to balance arguments and present a neutral voice before offering your own opinion, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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