IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and attitudes by others in the same age group. This is called “peer pressure”.Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages

#people #behaviors #attitudes #age #group #“peer #pressure” #peer #pressure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the young generations have a range of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationships with populations whose
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 are the same as
them
Correct pronoun usage
theirs
show examples
, and their
friends
Change to a genitive case
friend's
friends'
show examples
 skills and manners affect them, so
this
 happening is famoused '
peer
 group pressure'.
While
peer
 pressure
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some merits, I still believe that cannot overshadow the demerits. On the one hand, the benefits of
peer
 pressure are so varied. On the one side, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people see the skills and behaviours of other teenagers, they will
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
Add an article
the idea
an idea
show examples
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
to
Change preposition
of to
show examples
 how
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their talents and manners to become better. On the other sides,
this
 factor
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 the youth to find the elements that most people
followd
Correct your spelling
followed
follow
;
as a result
, they can choose the best of them that have a positive effect.
On the other hand
, it is important that impacts from the
same age
Add a hyphen
same-age
show examples
 communities have several drawbacks.
Firstly
, these kinds of people do not focus on their ability and when they cannot do the work
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 other friends, they become disappointed.
In other words
, the disabilities for doing some
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 have a
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect on their mental health and these items will become the things that prevent them from doing other work.
Secondly
, teenagers will do the work that
injure
Change the verb form
injures
show examples
 their family and themselves owing to the fact that they want to do the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 like their friends;
additionally
, most of the time one
falt
Correct your spelling
fault
show examples
 will change their future.
To sum up
, the fact
that is
 really crucial is that
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
peer
 have some good points for developing each other;
however
, advantages cannot eclipse the bad points inasmuch as the mental issues and
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 the consequence of the bad phenomenons require a long time .
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your main points with specific examples instead of general statements to improve the depth of your task response.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed. Try to elaborate further on how exactly peer pressure influences positive or negative change.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This will improve the coherence of your essay by guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words or phrases to connect your ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which indicates a strong organizational approach.
task achievement
You've addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: