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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourist as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Discuss about the problem solution.

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Despite a high country's income from
tourism
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, it is widely argued that
tourism
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 could cause some problems. In
this
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 essay, I will be focusing on the problem solution.
Firstly
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, exhaustion of the important
places
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 by the tourists is a common issue that may result from the overload on them. Overusing these
places
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, including
such
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 as hotels, will result in reducing their value. So, the consequence will be
diminished
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a diminution
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 in the
number
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 of visitors, and it will require more expenses in order
of
Change preposition
to
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development
Replace the word
develop
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 and regular
for
Change preposition
apply
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these suffering locations.
For example
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, some
people
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 were posting their opinions about the decreasing of caring about the crucial
places
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 in the regions around the Eiffel Tower in Paris. They were more disappointed about
this
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 change.
This
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 will result in a dramatic fall in
tourism
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 in France.
Secondly
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, increasing of thieves level in the tourist's gathering
places
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. To illustrate, it is well-known that thieves are spreading in areas where there is a high
number
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 of
people
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, which is causing unsafety among
people
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.
For instance
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, some studies revealed that the
number
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 of thefts rose in
places
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such
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 as Marbella in Spain,
due to
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 a high
number
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 of wealthy
people
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 there. Eventually, governments should monitor the tourists in highly concentrated areas by visitors in order to diminish the stealing rate. Checking the entrance and exit ways could contribute to overcoming
this
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 problem. In conclusion, I believe that
tourism
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 is the backbone of the economy in some countries. But governments should take tangible actions to overcome the problems that are accompanied by tourists' belongings losses or the problems that will arise from
over consuming
Add a hyphen
over-consuming
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wfacilities
Correct your spelling
facilities
.

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coherence cohesion
Include a stronger introduction and thesis statement to set the tone for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure each point in the essay is clearly linked back to the main topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and case studies where applicable to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument and solution is fully elaborated with more comprehensive details.
task achievement
The essay addresses both problems and solutions, indicating a strong understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant examples, such as the mention of the Eiffel Tower and Marbella, which contribute to illustrating points.
task achievement
The writer demonstrates an awareness of potential challenges faced by tourist-dependent locations.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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