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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #lifestyle
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In the present epoch, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
stay in
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 is hard
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them, but others, reveal keeping fit and being healthy is without trouble.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of view, but I strongly believe nowadays, being healthy is really achievable.
these faction
Change the determiner
this faction
these factions
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that these days, staying
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 almost is impossible. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 work most of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and they do not have
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enough
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in
kitchen
Add an article
the kitchen
show examples
 and
cooking
Wrong verb form
cook
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 homemade
food
Use synonyms
, so they prefer to order fast
food
Use synonyms
. These kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 are really harmful for our body and cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lots of diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 obesity, heart attack and kind of cancers, because, fast
food
Use synonyms
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 a lot of harmful ingredients,
for example
Linking Words
, cheese,
sausagge
Correct your spelling
sausage
sausages
 and oil. Using more than 2 times a week leads to distractive
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 for our body.
In addition
Linking Words
, lack of movement is common.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to do most of the
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 without
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
 or
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
. They drive by their own car or take a taxi
for arriving
Change preposition
to arrive
show examples
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 destination.
This
Linking Words
 trend
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 led to
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in
body’s
Correct article usage
the body’s
show examples
 metabolism. Fats gather in organs and make some ills for
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as breathing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and lung cancer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that in the modern day and developing some facility keeping fit is really accessible to us. The first one is about
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
. These days, there are a lot of places for exercise and
stay in
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 fit.
For example
Linking Words
, there are at least many
Use synonyms
gym
Change to a plural noun
gyms
show examples
 in each area and
people
Use synonyms
 can use them easily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays, home
Use synonyms
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 common, every one can buy online
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
 and practice without any trouble.
Second,
Linking Words
in modern industry
is made
Wrong verb form
,
show examples
 some diet
food
Use synonyms
 rather than
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rice and bread
that they
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are useful and help
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
maintain their diet. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 busy days and cars make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy, in my view, some equipment
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 diet and
gym
Use synonyms
 can maintain us to health. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 us
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fit.
Submitted by mellika.sadeghi1 on

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task achievement
To improve your score in task response, ensure that each part of the question is fully addressed. Make your position clear and consistently support it with arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your paragraphs clearly. Use linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your essay, ensuring smooth progression and connected ideas.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that illustrate your points more clearly. This will help in explaining your arguments more comprehensively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both viewpoints on the difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle today.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your discussion.
task achievement
There is recognition of modern conveniences like gyms and diet foods that can assist in maintaining health, showing an understanding of contemporary factors.
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