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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on 6
consumers
Change the noun form
consumer
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
 in Germany, Italy, France,
Britain
Correct word choice
and Britain
show examples
. The initial impression is that British
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 spent more
money
Use synonyms
 on
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 German
people
Use synonyms
 spent the least. As can be seen, British
people
Use synonyms
 spend just over 170
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 on photographic film which was the largest expenditure among
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
. They
also
Linking Words
 spent more than 162
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 on toys and CDs,
while
Linking Words
 France had the second place with just below 160
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 personal stereos, tennis racquets and perfumes were the least considerable
goods
Use synonyms
 at 150, 142 and 145
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
, respectively. that France
people
Use synonyms
 spent
money
Use synonyms
 on them.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on all
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
 was very similar between
Germany
Correct your spelling
German
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 at approximately 150
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
. In comparison to spending
money
Use synonyms
 in Germany, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on all
consumer
Use synonyms
goods
Use synonyms
 in Italy was different
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 lowest point was related to personal stereos with 150
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 and
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 point constituted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending
money
Use synonyms
 on Toys with almost 160
thousand
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, goods, consumer, people, thousand, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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