it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

Some

people

argue that it is crucial for

people

should take

risks

both in their occupations and private lives. In my opinion, There are some benefits of taking

risks

will outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, many

people

think that taking

risks

will help

people

able to deal with several situations in time.

For example

, In work, when we evaluate the project what will happen in the future

thus

less damage. In personal lives, assessing the home

risks

situations when having a problem. We can make insurance when some

people

in the family are sick or have accidents.

In addition

, reserve money for house expenses.

Besides

, taking

risks

helps to be alert about everything at all times

such

as the environment, wars, and politics. Especially money because nowadays many

people

invest with crypto in Binance or other websites.

On the other hand

, taking

risks

and disadvantages affects

people

in various ways. A good case in point is that it causes stress form, resulting in many diseases whether it is migraine headache, gastroesophageal reflux, and insomnia.

Moreover

, some

people

do not want to live in scary and complicated circumstances in the present.

Furthermore

, a lot person does not spend most of their lives in a toxic relationship or working job. In conclusion, I prefer to be able to prepare to cope with emergencies which helps to solve problems on the spot.

Submitted by theejuta.b on Sat Nov 16 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the ideas are logically structured. The essay structure is mostly clear, but some paragraphs could benefit from more cohesive transitions between ideas to improve the overall logical flow. For instance, linking sentences that reflect on how risk-taking can specifically lead to positive outcomes on personal development could enhance continuity.

Task Response

Try to extend the examples used for each point further by explaining them with more details. Providing specific examples that are deeply explained will make the essay more convincing. Instead of just mentioning insurance or crypto investments, discuss specific situations or outcomes linked with these examples.

Task Response

Clarify ideas where they might be a bit vague to enhance understanding. For example, the point about political awareness could be clarified by explaining how it directly affects personal or professional decision-making. More clarity could help in creating comprehensive ideas.

Task Response

You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking effectively, which is a good demonstration of balance needed in task response.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the main point of the essay, reinforcing the argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay briefly touches on how taking risks could prepare individuals for emergencies, which is a relevant point linked to broader real-world applications.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Tourism generates revenue therefore it should be promoted discuss the statement and give solutions .

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

in many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?