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Band 4.5

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

#advent #internet #people #work #home #arrangement
These days a lot of
people
 think that
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 internet
it have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a many factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.So, some
people
 think that advantages
For example
, it has development for
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 at home
Also
 we can
use
 it for training
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, we can multiple methods If
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in good
aways
Correct your spelling
ways
show examples
.
Firstly
, has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
factors
Such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
For
show examples
,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 it in a
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
project or Presentation we can take
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 idea
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 chat gbt.
Secondly
,
use
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 to make a development our talents To illustrate,
IELTS
Correct article usage
the IELTS
show examples
 exam
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more information in every section.
Thirdly
,
people
 were
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
sleep
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will sleep in an
essaily
Correct your spelling
essay
easily
 because there are many of a story and audio even audiobooks.
Fourtly
Correct your spelling
Fourthly
, it
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the mind more information and
people
 with
specail
Correct your spelling
special
 needs and More
care
 significantly.
However
, We
most
Correct your spelling
must
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take
care
until
Change preposition
of
show examples
if
Correct word choice
whether
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 that has
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it has as
many damages
Fix the agreement mistake
much damage
show examples
 as it has benefits.
Moreover
, at least children
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are small ages and they did not get information in a good aways Instance of, whether youtube or any videos it
factor
Change the verb form
factors
show examples
 to make
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact in their minds.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 they did not have any control
about
Change preposition
over
show examples
 how much
time
 for
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
 in the body
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prevents movement.
Furthermore
,
people
 will dispense with manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and depend on artificial intelligence.
As a result
,
Correct pronoun usage
we shoud
show examples
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
care
 about
time
 how much we spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 because a lot of
time
 has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
. In conclusion, after we discuss both sides
about
Change preposition
of
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effect
Add an article
the effect
an effect
show examples
. I believe that we most
care
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the internet in all
aways
Correct your spelling
ways
show examples
 and set a specific
time
 to
use
 it.
Submitted by shougaldhafere on

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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports your thesis.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Personal examples or examples from the real world can make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Avoid repeating ideas and try to present your points more clearly and comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is important for clarity.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of working from home, which is key to addressing the task requirements.
task achievement
You have mentioned some ways in which the internet can be beneficial, such as for training and development.

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