It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. 🔸Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.
It is undeniable that
the
advancement in medicine, Change preposition
with the
life
expectancy has considerably increased due to
which older
Correct article usage
the older
population
surpass the number of
younger Correct quantifier usage
apply
population
in many parts of the world. In my opinion
it is a positive Add a comma
opinion,
as well as
negative development and the reasons behind will be explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are several advantages of having aged
Correct article usage
an aged
population
. Firstly
, both the
Correct article usage
apply
aging
and Change the spelling
ageing
the
experience are parallel concepts, so they must have Correct article usage
apply
wealth
of knowledge and wisdom which contributes a lot Correct article usage
a wealth
in
the well-being of Change preposition
to
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Also
, with the help of there
mentorship and better decision-making skills, they definitely Correct your spelling
their
works
Change the verb form
work
in
the betterment of the community. Change preposition
for
Apart from
this
, in many countries, old people play a crucial role in providing support to their families. They, for example
, can look after children which allow
parents to concentrate on their professional Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
life
. Moreover
, while
playing with there
grandchildren, they Replace the word
their
also
pass their expertise and knowledge to them. As a result
, it helps them in becoming a person with great manners.
However
, the increasing number of elderly population
can also
bring problems. Initially
, they are more likely to be a burden on Correct article usage
the governmnet
governmnet
because owing to their condition, they can strain public healthcare systems and pension schemes, potentially leading to higher taxes and reduced services for all as most of the governmental institutes try to promote Correct your spelling
government
hospital
and age care facilities for them which Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
indicates
more pressure on young people for paying high taxes. Change the verb form
indicate
Therefore
, younger
workforce feels stress and might face challenges in maintaining economic growth, forcing them to adapt by automating more jobs or Correct article usage
the younger
encourage
immigration.
Wrong verb form
encouraging
To conclude
, although
elder people provide us with great life
lessons and motivate us to go further
in our life
, they also
bring high pressure to
Change preposition
on
tax payers
because they Correct your spelling
taxpayers
also
healthcare
amenities in Add a missing verb
have healthcare
adundance
. Correct your spelling
abundance
Hence
, it is neccessay
for maintaining a balance between both the Correct your spelling
necessary
population
.Submitted by k7jassu on
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clear comprehensive ideas
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by ensuring each paragraph has a central theme or main point. Currently, the ideas are somewhat introduced in a mixed manner.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the points being made. These could include actual policies or case studies of countries facing an aging population.
logical structure
Improving logical flow can be achieved by using more transitioning words and ensuring the paragraphs connect smoothly in context and ideas.
complete response
You've demonstrated a balanced approach by examining both positive and negative aspects, which is crucial in IELTS Task 2 responses.
introduction conclusion present
A clear and structured introduction and conclusion are present, giving your essay a solid framework.
supported main points
The way you mention mentorship and knowledge transfer is effective in highlighting their contributions to society.