IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increasing demand for energy sources such as oil and gas, should people be looking for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places? Do the advantages of locating new source of energy outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas ?

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #source #areas
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It is undeniable that the upsurging demand for energy resources has led to the consideration of extracting
oild
Correct your spelling
oil
 and gas from remote areas. So, the number of companies looking for alternatives
are
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is
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increasing
day-by-day
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day by day
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. In my opinion, it has
equal
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an equal
the equal
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 number of disadvantages and advantages
due to
 the reasons explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the cons of looking after
nutural
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natural
 resources in untouched places.
Firstly
, exploring a new place where no one has been before
for getting
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to get
show examples
 oil can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant destruction
to
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of
show examples
 that particular area, including habitat and biodiversity loss, which can have cascading effects on ecosystems and wildlife.
For example
, In India, there
are
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is
show examples
 a place named
as
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apply
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Ranchi, famous for its history had been destroyed by builders in the greed of gaining resources.
Therefore
,
this
affect
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affects
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indigeneous
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indigenous
community
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communities
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 residing there and
lead
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leads
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 to the loss of cultural heritage.
Moreover
, increasing extraction of fossil fuels contributes
in
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to
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 the emission of
green house
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greenhouse
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 gases
in
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into
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 the atmosphere which causes the problem of global warming, counteracting efforts to combat climate change. To be precise, it is true that
the
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apply
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vehicles working with the help of non-renewable energy produce harmful gases
and
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apply
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that later become the reason for
increase
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the increase
an increase
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 in
health related
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health-related
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 issues.
On the other hand
, there are several merits
in
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to
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 finding gas reserves in new places.
Initially
, it helps to boost local and
naltional
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national
 economies by creating job opportunities, infrastructure development, and generating revenue through exports.
Also
, it
also
 decreases a country's reliance on foreign energy imports, providing
nation
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the nation
show examples
 with security and stability.
For instance
, Dubai was one of the poorest
country
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countries
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 in past,
however
, after the finding of
oild
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oil
 reserves there it has now become one
among
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of
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 the richest
nation
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nations
show examples
 in the world.
To conclude
,
although
discovery
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the discovery
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 of natural
resouces
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resources
 can bring prosperity to the nation, it
also
become
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becomes
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 the reason for the destruction of cultural harmony among people
,
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apply
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 and wild
spices
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species
show examples
 in the world.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using more effective linking words and logical connectors in your essay. This will help clarify the relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensive expression of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to that main idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a complete response by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of exploring new energy sources in remote areas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • renewable energy
  • environmental degradation
  • biodiversity loss
  • energy independence
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • climate change
  • technological advancements
  • economic benefits
  • energy security
  • habitat destruction
  • indigenous communities
  • cultural heritage
  • global warming
  • infrastructure development
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