IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

With the increasing demand for energy sources such as oil and gas, should people be looking for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places? Do the advantages of locating new source of energy outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas ?

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #source #areas
It is undeniable that the upsurging demand for energy resources has led to the consideration of extracting
oild
Correct your spelling
oil
 and gas from remote areas. So, the number of companies looking for alternatives
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasing
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
. In my opinion, it has
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
 number of disadvantages and advantages
due to
 the reasons explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the cons of looking after
nutural
Correct your spelling
natural
 resources in untouched places.
Firstly
, exploring a new place where no one has been before
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 oil can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant destruction
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that particular area, including habitat and biodiversity loss, which can have cascading effects on ecosystems and wildlife.
For example
, In India, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a place named
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Ranchi, famous for its history had been destroyed by builders in the greed of gaining resources.
Therefore
,
this
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
indigeneous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 residing there and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the loss of cultural heritage.
Moreover
, increasing extraction of fossil fuels contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the emission of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 gases
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere which causes the problem of global warming, counteracting efforts to combat climate change. To be precise, it is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles working with the help of non-renewable energy produce harmful gases
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that later become the reason for
increase
Add an article
the increase
an increase
show examples
 in
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues.
On the other hand
, there are several merits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 finding gas reserves in new places.
Initially
, it helps to boost local and
naltional
Correct your spelling
national
 economies by creating job opportunities, infrastructure development, and generating revenue through exports.
Also
, it
also
 decreases a country's reliance on foreign energy imports, providing
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
 with security and stability.
For instance
, Dubai was one of the poorest
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in past,
however
, after the finding of
oild
Correct your spelling
oil
 reserves there it has now become one
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the richest
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 in the world.
To conclude
,
although
discovery
Add an article
the discovery
show examples
 of natural
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 can bring prosperity to the nation, it
also
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 the reason for the destruction of cultural harmony among people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and wild
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
 in the world.
Submitted by k7jassu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using more effective linking words and logical connectors in your essay. This will help clarify the relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Work on incorporating more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensive expression of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to that main idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a complete response by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of exploring new energy sources in remote areas.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • renewable energy
  • environmental degradation
  • biodiversity loss
  • energy independence
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • climate change
  • technological advancements
  • economic benefits
  • energy security
  • habitat destruction
  • indigenous communities
  • cultural heritage
  • global warming
  • infrastructure development
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!