Task 2 Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people all over the world. How can the government ensure that these all these people can live together harmoniously.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there has been a growing concern about migration in each country in the world.
This
Linking Words
issue has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to several problems , and the government has to do something to
solve
Correct pronoun usage
solve them
show examples
. There are many difficulties related to
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the migrants who
are visit
Change the verb form
are visiting
are visited
show examples
one place to another . First and foremost these days new
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
move to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
in order to improve their financial condition.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society experienced
Correct article usage
a
show examples
considerably
Change the word
considerable
show examples
increase
Change preposition
in their
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
employment rate . At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
the authorities should provide free language and freedom
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
for new ones.
Then
Linking Words
, people of a range of many different nationalities would be able to learn to live together much more easily.
In addition
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
the host country's residents should be more open-minded and tolerant as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
is the best thing to create
multi-cultural
Correct your spelling
multicultural
show examples
societies. The government of the cities have to introduce stringent laws
such
Linking Words
as equal salaries and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
local residents. The big companies
for example
Linking Words
can
be considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
that their new employees have
a stable job opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
stable job opportunities
a stable job opportunity
show examples
. If these
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
more solutions
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned above, not only many visitors send money
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
to help family members but
also
Linking Words
provide
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to create more harmoniously. In conclusion ,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
stable life for foreigners would
be
Verb problem
make it
show examples
more comfortable and easy to live in other countries.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking words and phrases, which makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Provide additional examples and explanations to fully illustrate your ideas and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Review and correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The topic is addressed, and relevant issues concerning migration and multicultural living are identified and discussed.
task achievement
The essay touches on important aspects of multicultural integration such as language and employment, showing an understanding of diverse issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: