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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.
#people #usa #food #restaurants
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The bar chart illustrates how often
people
Use synonyms
 in the USA ate in fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants in three years involving 2003, 2006, and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 consumed fast
food
Use synonyms
 once a
week
Use synonyms
 or at least once to twice a
week
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 every day is quite as many as those who never
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 it during the year. If we look at the details,
similarly
Linking Words
 in mentioned years, under 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 ate
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. The results for those who never ate it were
also
Linking Words
 the same. Just above 15% of
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
show examples
 in 2003 and 2013 consumed
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 several times a
week
Use synonyms
 but in 2006 the result was about one-fifth of the population.
People
Use synonyms
 who joined fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants once a
week
Use synonyms
 in 2006
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
exaclly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 as many as those who joined once or twice a month in 2013 with just over 30% which was the highest percentage in the period.
Finally
Linking Words
, the percentage of those who ate fast
food
Use synonyms
 a few times a year in 2013 and 2006 compared to 2003 was 15% and above 10% respectively.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast food consumption
  • Frequency
  • Dining trends
  • Demographic factors
  • Peak periods
  • Downward/upward trend
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Economic impact
  • Health implications
  • Convenience foods
  • Eating habits
  • Statistical evidence
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Fluctuation
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