More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

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It is true that a
various
Replace the word
variety
show examples
of
people
begen
Correct your spelling
began
begin
to move away from the
subers
Correct your spelling
supers
subs
tubers
to
cauch
Correct your spelling
catch
new
expeirences
Correct your spelling
experiences
and new
job
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
While
there are some disadvantages of moving away,
such
as
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease
show examples
in local food products,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
moving can be
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
for cities.  There are some negative effects of
people
leaving
villages
and going to cities.
Firstly
, the reduction of local food production and the amount of food supplies for the country,
such
as vegetables and fruits.
Secondly
, the elderly would feel neglected and would be forced to do all the hard work alone without any help.
For example
, they would not be able to tackle walking and the field and move heavy types of equipment.
Finally
,
villages
will be empty of young
people
.
However
,
this
can lead to serious problems,
such
as the disappearance of farmers and fields.
On the other hand
, there are some solutions that can help solve
this
issue. The
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
of
job
opportunities in the small
villages
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
prevent
people
from moving away is considered a perfect solution for
this
situation. Since having a
job
is an important method to have a financial income,
people
would be pleased to be provided
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new jobs in the countryside.
For example
, dairy companies can offer some
job
positions for farmers.
To conclude
, the drawbacks of younger
people
moving away from the suburbs are various than the benefits, I believe that bringing new jobs to the
villages
can be the answer to
this
issue.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and concise argument. Specify both the negative consequences clearly as well as solutions in separate paragraphs where possible.
task achievement
Make sure to include detailed and specific examples that directly support your ideas.
task achievement
Pay attention to accuracy in spelling and grammar, as this can slightly impact the clarity of the ideas expressed.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of mentioning both consequences and solutions, aligning with the prompt well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize the main points of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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