In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, the difficulty of finding a job in the market increased throughout the years.
This
phenomenon requires people to find work outside their city which makes them move away from their relatives .
Although
there are surely some disadvantages, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages. To my way of thinking, living away from families or friends is not entirely a terrible decision. By moving out to another place we can
experience
a completely different life that requires us to step out of our comfort zone.
This
can shape your maturity to face the real professional world.
Additionally
, we can
also
meet a lot of new community who later become our friends and family.
For instance
, in my own
experience
, I have moved away to different cities for my work.
This
opportunity gave me an amazing and fascinating
experience
in my life that shaped who I am today.
However
,
this
experience
can vary for each individual. For some people, moving away from their loved ones is a nightmare that might lead to a struggle to fit into a new society. Not everyone enjoys stepping out of their comfort zone.
As a result
, not a few people prefer to move back to their place because they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
survive living alone in a foreign environment. In conclusion,
although
there is a negative aspect associated with living away from home to find work, I believe that the advantages significantly making them outweigh the existing disadvantages.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address the question prompt. Consider expanding more on the disadvantages to create a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main idea is clearly stated and supported by logical examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly articulate the writer's position.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples from personal experience to support main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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