Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
of
Change preposition
apply
the
people assume that the content, which children watch on TV impacts their attitudes, Correct article usage
apply
whereas
others think that the factor of effects on behaviour is the quantity they spend watching on TV. In my view, both are the major reasons for this
issue, because more
time you watch television, you get affected more and Correct article usage
the more
as a result
of the permission for releasing some kinds of harrasments
, it is crucial for potential modified actions .
On the one hand, over the recent decades, the content on the media and television Correct your spelling
harassment
harassments
have
been altered significantly, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
for example
, informative documentaries have been replaced with some absurd comedy talkshows
that Correct your spelling
talk shows
have
not any benefits or inappropriate films for juveniles. These influence greatly Add a missing verb
do have
the
mindsets, which will cause some Correct article usage
apply
willings
to commit crimes and break the laws in the future, Fix the agreement mistake
willing
such
as joining the
gangs, inspired Correct article usage
apply
from
movies.
Change preposition
by
On the other hand
, the amount is so vital to get impacted by television, because for
15 to 20 years, parents have been making Add the comma(s)
, for
offsprings
allocate the majority of their time Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
with
TV in order to not deal with them. Undoubtedly, it gives rise to some dopamine changes Change preposition
to
on
the brain, which decrease the efficiency in the schools or Change preposition
in
result
the deficiency of cognitive thinking.
Personally, they both are essential for behaviour changes , Add the preposition
result in
result from
for instance
, the contents lead the juveniles to whatever they want, as well as
this
, the
amount makes them Correct article usage
apply
be
obsessed with it and children start to behave how the media wants.
In conclusion, some people believe that the quality is the reason Unnecessary verb
apply
of
affecting children's behaviour, Change preposition
for
while
others are of the opinion that it relies on how much time they allocate to watch. In my opinion, both of them are correct and should be taken into account to block these shifts.Submitted by novruzluahmed2007 on
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning particular shows or studies could enhance the relevance of your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. A smoother transition will increase the overall readability and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives and providing your own opinion, which is a strong aspect of task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your main points and viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a distinct part of the argument, supporting coherent structure throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.