IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people believe that celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #celebrities #money #politicians #development
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Given the huge achievements in
the
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apply
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modern technology, and especially
the
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apply
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social media, famous
persons
Replace the word
people
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 are becoming more popular. They are followed by an array of their fans all over the world, which
is
Verb problem
has
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 led to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 their revenues in comparison with other
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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, like senior politicians. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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this
 phenomenon and my point of view about
positive
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the positive
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 or negative aspects of that will be described in
this
 essay.
According to
 the
overusing
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overuse
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 of new applications and the internet, most people
wedded
Add a missing verb
are wedded
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 to following
the
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celebrities
as well as
 their
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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. So,
the
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most commercial companies,
such
 as advertisement institutions whose their sells dependent on the number of customers and viewers, prefer to sign a contract with a well-known person
instead
 of other individuals.
In addition
, their fans occasionally buy companies' accessories just for their hero.
Although
 it has different kinds of positive aspects, both for people and
the
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apply
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celebrities, the negative development of
this
 action should not be ignored. Addicting,
for instance
, is a drawback consequence of utilizing
this
 way.
Moreover
, it can be exerted in children who are not completely aware of the results of these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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.
furthermore
, unfortunately, some famous persons sign a contract without being ensure about the quality of products, and it will
be led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to disaster
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if that company
is fly
Wrong verb form
flies
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 by night. In conclusion,
a
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apply
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part from
positive
Add an article
the positive
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 side of
this
 view, which
well-known
Correct article usage
a well-known
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 person who is popular can
earns
Change the verb form
earn
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 income by his or her efforts more than others, I opine that all
pays
Change the verb form
pay
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 should be in proportion to
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
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 responsibility
as well as
 their jobs' difficulty.
Submitted by mortezashamsa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea to enhance understanding. Try dividing the ideas more precisely.
Task Response
Use more diverse and precise vocabulary to express ideas clearly.
Task Response
When presenting examples or arguments, provide specific details to strengthen your reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and intention of the essay.
Task Achievement
You correctly identified reasons why celebrities might earn more than politicians, which aligns with the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
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