IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from obesity and
also
Linking Words
 it
makes
Verb problem
causes
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 lots of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in their lifestyle.
Also
Linking Words
,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of fattening products
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been
Add an article
an increase
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increase
Change the verb form
increasing
increased
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 during
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decades.
This
Linking Words
mean
Change the verb form
means
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 that if we can not
control
Use synonyms
consumption
Correct pronoun usage
our consumption
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 of them, we will face
with
Change preposition
apply
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many problems in the future. I agree that growth of the fattening
Use synonyms
food’s
Change noun form
food
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 is a useful solution. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 is more affordable than healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, some of them do not want the government or other organs
prescribe
Fix the infinitive
to prescribe
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 their diet. It
is argue
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is argued
show examples
 that they are not open to criticism, so in my opinion in
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
situation,
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 the government has a crucial role
to
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in controlling
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control
Use synonyms
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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 junk
food
Use synonyms
 by
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation at risk of various health problems. As a matter of fact,
junk
Add an article
the junk
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food
Use synonyms
 industry has developed and
gets
Verb problem
has
show examples
 so much publicity is helped
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
 their healthy diet. And
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 reason is because of
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 and supply of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of products encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy. If the prices of unhealthy foods were raised,
people
Use synonyms
 might prefer to buy healthier alternatives
such
Linking Words
 as fruits, vegetables or home-made meals, which make
fit
Correct article usage
a fit
show examples
 and healthy generation.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are more likely to pay attention to what they consume when they realize that unhealthy foods are becoming more expensive. In conclusion, increasing
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
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 of fatten foods can be
effective
Add an article
an effective
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 way to
control
Use synonyms
 obesity by
discourage
Change the verb form
discouraging
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people
Use synonyms
to buy
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
 them,
However
Linking Words
, it is not the only solution for
Use synonyms
control
Replace the word
controlling
show examples
 obesity, behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we need more opportunities like preparing suitable gyms, health campaigns or educational programs.
While
Linking Words
 it can play a significant role.

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Complete Response
Ensure the essay addresses all parts of the task directly and explicitly to achieve a complete response.
Relevant Specific Examples
Work on providing more concrete, specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Logical Structure
Clarify the main points and organize ideas logically, using linking words and phrases to achieve better coherence.
Logical Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea to maintain cohesion throughout the essay.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Provide more detailed discussions to ensure clarity and comprehensiveness in expressing your main ideas.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The introduction successfully sets the context of the essay by addressing the issue of obesity and availability of fattening foods, and clearly states a position on the topic.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and suggests additional solutions, providing a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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