IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 suffer from obesity and
also
 it
makes
Verb problem
causes
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 lots of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in their lifestyle.
Also
,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of fattening products
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been
Add an article
an increase
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increase
Change the verb form
increasing
increased
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 during
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decades.
This
mean
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means
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 that if we can not
control
consumption
Correct pronoun usage
our consumption
show examples
 of them, we will face
with
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apply
show examples
many problems in the future. I agree that growth of the fattening
food’s
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food
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 is a useful solution. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why. Some
people
 believe that eating fast
food
 is more affordable than healthy
food
.
Also
, some of them do not want the government or other organs
prescribe
Fix the infinitive
to prescribe
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 their diet. It
is argue
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is argued
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 that they are not open to criticism, so in my opinion in
this
situation
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situation,
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 the government has a crucial role
to
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in controlling
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control
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
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for
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 junk
food
 by
increase
Replace the word
increasing
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price
Correct article usage
the price
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 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
Otherwise
, many
people
such
 as
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation at risk of various health problems. As a matter of fact,
junk
Add an article
the junk
show examples
food
 industry has developed and
gets
Verb problem
has
show examples
 so much publicity is helped
to
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apply
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people
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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 their healthy diet. And
other
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another
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 reason is because of
low
Correct article usage
the low
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price
 and supply of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of products encourage
people
 to buy. If the prices of unhealthy foods were raised,
people
 might prefer to buy healthier alternatives
such
 as fruits, vegetables or home-made meals, which make
fit
Correct article usage
a fit
show examples
 and healthy generation.
In addition
, they are more likely to pay attention to what they consume when they realize that unhealthy foods are becoming more expensive. In conclusion, increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of fatten foods can be
effective
Add an article
an effective
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 way to
control
 obesity by
discourage
Change the verb form
discouraging
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people
to buy
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from buying
show examples
 them,
However
, it is not the only solution for
control
Replace the word
controlling
show examples
 obesity, behind
of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we need more opportunities like preparing suitable gyms, health campaigns or educational programs.
While
 it can play a significant role.
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Complete Response
Ensure the essay addresses all parts of the task directly and explicitly to achieve a complete response.
Relevant Specific Examples
Work on providing more concrete, specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Logical Structure
Clarify the main points and organize ideas logically, using linking words and phrases to achieve better coherence.
Logical Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea to maintain cohesion throughout the essay.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Provide more detailed discussions to ensure clarity and comprehensiveness in expressing your main ideas.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The introduction successfully sets the context of the essay by addressing the issue of obesity and availability of fattening foods, and clearly states a position on the topic.
Introduction Conclusion Present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and suggests additional solutions, providing a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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