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Writing Samples
Band 7

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important as other subjects to a child’s development, and they should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is widely believed that
art
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 classes,
such
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 as drawing are as essential as other
subjects
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 for the development of a child, and people are convinced that these
subjects
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 should be made compulsory in schools.
This
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 essay will first explore the importance of these classes for character formation and
then
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 discuss why making it mandatory is
also
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 crucial. After considering both viewpoints, I will present my own opinion on
this
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 statement. A significant argument in favour of these classes is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
develops
Correct subject-verb agreement
develop
show examples
 one's imagination and critical thinking.
This
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 stems from the fact that
art
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 requires a lot of creativity, which in turn after hard work leads to a higher level of a child's intelligence.
For example
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, recent research showed that the ones who were attending
art
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 courses on average got greater IQ scores than the ones who did not.
Consequently
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, it is reasonable to suggest that it not only educates children on how to draw or sing properly, but it
also
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 provides a service and helps to develop.
Conversely
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, a strong case can be made that
therefore
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art
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subjects
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 should be implemented as fast as possible , a position with which I fully agree.
This
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 is primarily because the presence of maths and other sciences is oppressing humanitarian children ,
therefore
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 we have to ensure that every child gets personal treatment and feedback.
For instance
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, there already was an attempt to apply
this
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 technique, and it showed only positive results.
Thus
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, it becomes clear that
this
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 activity is worth trying. In conclusion,
while
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 some believe that teaching
art
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 is as vital as teaching other
subjects
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, after evaluating both arguments, I am convinced that it is actually true.
This
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 balance is crucial for achieving a well-rounded and sustainable future.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider offering more specific examples or case studies that highlight the impact of art education. This could involve citing more varied research or specific projects implemented in schools and their outcomes.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by refining the use of linking phrases or logical connectors. This will improve the overall coherence and flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the importance of art subjects and indicating the structure of the essay. This provides clarity to the reader about what to expect.
task achievement
You have made a strong effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before providing your own opinion, which strengthens the argument and demonstrates critical thinking.
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