In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?
In the coming
time
, a lot of people
will spend their vacation in their home country
rather than overseas. I totally agree with this
statement because people
will miss their family members
and they will miss their local foods
.
Family members
are always first
priority for everyone's life. Add an article
the first
a first
However
, for more better life and study people
often live outside from
the home. Change preposition
of
As a
result
they certainly miss their family Add a comma
result,
members
and want to meet with them. For example
, for higher study and a better career
I came to Canada in 2022, but after spending a few months I realised that it is really hard to spend a long Add a comma
career,
time
with family members
. Moreover
, spending time
alone during the festival was more hard.
The local foods
attract some people
to go back to their hometown for
spend Change preposition
to
time
there. A lot of food lovers really love to eat what they used to eat. However
, for study or work where they live
it is really hard to find those types of local Add a comma
live,
foods
. For instance
, I live in Vancouver but I love to eat Khasshi Biriyani sometimes. As it is the local food of Dhaka I never found it there. So, I am planning to go back to Dhaka in
next summer just Change preposition
apply
because
to eat my Correct word choice
apply
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
foods
.
In conclusion, as people
are often living outside of their country
so
they do not just miss their family Correct word choice
apply
members
, they also
miss their special foods
. As a result
, a lot of people
will spend their off time
in their mother country
rather than outside of the
home Change the word
their
country
.Submitted by haidher301 on
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language
Work on improving sentence structures and grammar to enhance clarity and coherence. Phrases like "more better" and "outside of their home" should be corrected to "better" and "outside their home". Pay attention to tense consistency, such as using past tense and present tense appropriately.
content development
Include a wider variety of examples or elaborations to support your main points. You can also address potential counterarguments or provide reasons why some people might still prefer traveling abroad, which could strengthen your argument.
structuring
Enhance transitions between ideas. While the ideas presented are logical, smoother transitions through linking words such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'Consequently' can help the essay flow better.
content relevance
The essay provides logical reasons supporting the view, making it clear why domestic holidays might be preferred in the future. This supports the task of discussing why one might agree with the given statement.
example use
The personal examples shared, such as the difficulty of finding local foods, effectively illustrate the main points and add authenticity to your arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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