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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #positions #government #idea
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In modern society, there are two contrasting views regarding whether young
people
 should be given opportunities to work in important
government
 positions.
While
 some argue that young individuals are not suitable for
such
roles
due to
 their lack of experience, others believe their inclusion brings fresh perspectives and innovation. In my opinion, young
people
 can significantly contribute to these positions despite certain challenges. On the one hand, critics argue that young
people
 may not be prepared for key
roles
 in
government
due to
 their inexperience. They often lack familiarity with the complex processes and decision-making required in public administration.
For instance
, handling intricate policies or navigating bureaucratic systems can be overwhelming for those who have not spent sufficient time in the field.
Moreover
, their limited expertise makes them more prone to making mistakes or being influenced by others, potentially leading to poor judgment in critical situations.
On the other hand
, advocates highlight the benefits of having young
people
 in
government
. One key advantage is their ability to learn and adapt quickly. Being in a phase of continuous learning, young individuals can acquire new skills and adjust to the demands of their
roles
 effectively.
For example
, they are often more adept at leveraging modern technologies,
such
 as data analysis tools and communication platforms, to streamline work processes and improve efficiency.
Furthermore
, their enthusiasm and fresh perspectives can help address long-standing issues with innovative solutions. In my opinion, the passion and determination of young
people
 are crucial in overcoming their initial shortcomings. Their strong desire for career development and self-improvement drives them to persevere through challenges and grow into capable leaders.
Additionally
, their presence in
government
 can inspire a more dynamic and inclusive workplace, fostering collaboration between generations and encouraging creative problem-solving. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that young
people
 may
initially
 struggle
due to
 their lack of experience, their adaptability, innovative mindset, and enthusiasm enable them to excel in important
government
roles
.
Therefore
, I firmly believe they are well-suited to take on these responsibilities and contribute positively to society.
Submitted by 18126275033 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, demonstrating a good understanding of both perspectives. However, you may wish to incorporate more specific and detailed examples to further illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your arguments is very well-maintained throughout the essay. To improve further, consider emphasizing the links between paragraphs with clearer transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing clear insight into your stance.
task achievement
You've made a balanced presentation of both views, showing an excellent approach to discussing different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Experience and wisdom
  • Fresh perspective
  • Innovative ideas
  • Contemporary issues
  • Energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Emerging trends
  • Enthusiasm
  • Stability
  • Maintaining the status quo
  • Maturity and responsibility
  • Risk-taking
  • Far-reaching consequences
  • In touch with
  • Representative governance
  • Historical examples
  • Proven track record
  • Changing dynamics
  • Fresh leadership
  • Modern issues
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