as the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and disciss at least one problem that may result
In recent years, more and more jobs have been replaced by
computers
with artificial intelligence. As a result
, there are fewer and fewer work
opportunities for humans. I believe that this
phenomenon is going to cause some negative effects in our society.
Firstly
, the work
in which workers just repeat the same tasks every time is easily completed by computers
. For example
, workers who work
in a printing factory. Thus
, supervisors will quit their staff and use the auto-system to reduce the cost. Moreover
, attributed to AI development, the need for customer services is going to decline nowadays. According to
a report released by OpenAI, their new AI system has performed as efficiently as humans. In brief, a massive amount of work
will be done by computers
.
In addition
, the number of population losing jobs increases dramatically, so governments are forced to invest more budget to look after these citizens. What's more, the gap in wealth is also
extended by technology. People who have the ability to work
in this
high-tech industry more easily earn money with computers
, while
the poor have less and less chance. For instance
, in China, the majority of GDP in 2023 was generated by 1.5% who worked in the electronics industry. Thus
, it could have an M-shaped society when the world becomes technologically advanced.
In conclusion, the type of jobs which do not involve human thinking and wisdom are substituted by computer systems. As far as I am concerned, the gap of economic in society become larger by this
phenomenon, and governments should spend more revenue to deal with it.Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on
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task achievement
Your essay directly addresses the topic and provides relevant examples, which is good. However, to enhance your score in task achievement, ensure that your points are fleshed out more comprehensively. Expand on your examples and the impact of technological advancements on job loss, providing more depth and detail.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay supports coherence, with a logical progression of ideas from the introduction through to the conclusion. To further improve, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make the progression of your argument even more seamless.
coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates cohesion, working on varying your sentence structure and using more sophisticated vocabulary can enhance the reader's engagement. Try to incorporate complex sentence structures and a wider lexicon relevant to the topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
