IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe, that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some types of people believe that
children
 must be taught to be good members of
society
 by their
parents
.
On the other hand
, people think places for learning its education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. I reckon that
children
 should be taught by their
parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because educating
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
 good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is its
parents
’
responsibility
 and education from
parents
 in most situations is the best choice.
Parents
 should take care of their
children
’s role in
society
.
Firstly
, it’s their
responsibility
 to teach and educate their
children
. Because
children
 their
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 that are made from their love and plenty of
parents
 have moral principles
such
 as taking care of
children
 and educating them.
For example
, plenty of
parents
 in Kazakhstan reckon that they should teach their
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because Kazakhs have
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
such
 as taking
responsibility
 for their
children
.
Secondly
, teaching from
parents
 is in most cases the best choice. Because they teach their
children
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
responsibility
,
make
Correct word choice
and make
show examples
 sure that they educate
children
 with the best option that they have.
For instance
, in most schools’ teenagers are good members of
society
 when they are educated by their
parents
.
On the other hand
, people believe that
teachers
 should teach their
children
 to be good members of
society
. Because they think
teachers
 should take
responsibility
 for
children
 and they do not know about the real job of
teachers
.
For example
, in some situations
such
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rich
families
Add a comma
families,
show examples
 they
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to school and plenty of these families believe that the
teachers
’ job
for teaching
Change preposition
to teach
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 is not only knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 being part of
society
. In conclusion,
teachers
 should teach
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 on knowledge of subjects,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 part and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 part of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 should be taught by
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
. I strongly believe that all
parents
 would take care about
society
 life of their
child
.
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on

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task achievement
Clarify arguments and ideas with more specific examples. The essay needs more detailed examples to support points adequately.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing paragraphs logically. Improving the logical structure will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points effectively and presenting a clear stance.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints, showing awareness of the complexities of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphing is generally clear, contributing to the clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Attempts to provide reasoning for opinions, such as the responsibility of parents.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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