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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows information about age, average in come per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA.

The table below shows information about age, average in come per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA.
#information #age #person #population #poverty #line #three #states #usa
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The table illustrates how old
people
Use synonyms
, how
Add a missing verb
are, how
show examples
 much their
normally
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normal
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 revenue
and
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is and
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 how much
population
Correct article usage
the population
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in
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is in
show examples
Use synonyms
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
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 line in the USA's three various states.
Overall
Linking Words
, Utal has
people
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 who are under
aged
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age
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 18 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 considerable amount,
while
Linking Words
over
Correct article usage
the over
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 60 ages of
people
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 population is high in Florida. And
California
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 dominates
list
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the list
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 with
it's
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its
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 high amount of
people
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's income and
people
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 who are in
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poverty
Add an article
the poverty
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 line. Regarding ages, Florida is considered to
the
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be the
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 smallest part of the category in terms of under 18
years
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 of individuals and accounts for 16%,
while
Linking Words
 it includes 23 % of older generations who are over 60.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Florida residents' income is the second leading country in
this
Linking Words
 category with $22,000.
Also
Linking Words
, it stands at the second place
percentagewise
Correct your spelling
percentage-wise
percentage wise
 in the
poverty
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 line.
Utal
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Util
Utah
 contains 28% of young generations whose ages are under 18 and 8% of elderly
people
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 who are over 60
years
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 old,
while
Linking Words
California
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 has 17% and 13% of under 18
years
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 old young
people
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 and over 60
years
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 old individuals respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
California
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 leads
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the category with
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 inhabitants' revenue
$
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of $
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23,000,
while
Linking Words
 has the smallest one
$
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of $
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17,000. In terms of
poverty
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 population,
California
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 is leading
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the list. But
this
Linking Words
 rate
too
Add a missing verb
is too
show examples
 low in Utal with 9% only.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, poverty, california, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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