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Band 5.5

The table below shows information about age, average in come per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA.

#information #age #person #population #poverty #line #three #states #usa
The table illustrates how old
people
, how
Add a missing verb
are, how
show examples
 much their
normally
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normal
show examples
 revenue
and
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is and
show examples
 how much
population
Correct article usage
the population
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in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 line in the USA's three various states.
Overall
, Utal has
people
 who are under
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 18 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 considerable amount,
while
over
Correct article usage
the over
show examples
 60 ages of
people
 population is high in Florida. And
California
 dominates
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 with
it's
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its
show examples
 high amount of
people
's income and
people
 who are in
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line. Regarding ages, Florida is considered to
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
 smallest part of the category in terms of under 18
years
 of individuals and accounts for 16%,
while
 it includes 23 % of older generations who are over 60.
Furthermore
, Florida residents' income is the second leading country in
this
 category with $22,000.
Also
, it stands at the second place
percentagewise
Correct your spelling
percentage-wise
percentage wise
 in the
poverty
 line.
Utal
Correct your spelling
Util
Utah
 contains 28% of young generations whose ages are under 18 and 8% of elderly
people
 who are over 60
years
 old,
while
California
 has 17% and 13% of under 18
years
 old young
people
 and over 60
years
 old individuals respectively.
However
,
California
 leads
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the category with
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 inhabitants' revenue
$
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of $
show examples
23,000,
while
 has the smallest one
$
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of $
show examples
17,000. In terms of
poverty
 population,
California
 is leading
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the list. But
this
 rate
too
Add a missing verb
is too
show examples
 low in Utal with 9% only.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, poverty, california, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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