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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one twon in 1990, 2000, and 2010.

The table below shows the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one twon in 1990, 2000, and 2010.
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The table compares the four different types of industries in one town
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 employed in percentage in 1990,2000,2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, four industries experienced different trends in twenty years
for example
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 worked in shops and manufacturing the most
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 worked in health and tourism. As the table shows, 13% of the
men
Use synonyms
 worked in shops in 1990 and it didn’t change until 2010 and if we move to
women
Use synonyms
 7% of them worked in shops in 1990, 8% in 2000 and in 2010 9% of them employed. When we moved to
health
Correct article usage
the health
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industry
Use synonyms
 7% of the
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 were employed in 1990 and 200 too but it went up to 9% in 2010 and in 1990 9% of the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 were employed in the health
industry
Use synonyms
 11% in 2000, 15% in 2010. The manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 included almost
male
Correct word choice
apply
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30% in 1990 but suddenly it declined to 15% in 2000 and it declined to 10% in 2010. Tourism
included
Verb problem
accounted for
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 13% of
men
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and in 2000 it was 10% and in 2010 too, but
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 were much more than
men
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 in the tourism
industry
Use synonyms
 it was 23% in 1990 and 25% in 200 and in 2010 27% of the
women
Use synonyms
 employed.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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