Some people think that travelling to work and working in the company’s office building makes employees more productive. However, others agree that it is better for employees to work at home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Work
is so important to earn money for our daily needs.
However
, So many masses say
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
on
daily
Add an article
a daily
show examples
basis and
do
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
work
at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
is beneficial for them to grow, even others say working at
home
is much easier for them.
However
, in
this
essay, I am going to discuss both views in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, working at
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
office
is better to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
connect with different
people
at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
because by
this
they can improve their communication skills and
also
it will help them to increase their confidence level.
For instance
,
according to
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
surveys
, more than 65% of
people
are good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
public speaking because of their language skills and
confidence
Correct article usage
the confidence
show examples
they get at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Secondly
, face-to-face
interaction
Fix the agreement mistake
interactions
show examples
are so integral for employees to learn
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
show examples
. At
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
, they can learn teamwork and how to achieve goals together as a team, which
also
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
leadership skills in employees.
On the other hand
, the one advantage of working at
home
is for mothers, who have kids and they want to
work
but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot go to
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis, so it is easy for them to do their jobs from
home
and they can look after their children as well.
For example
, a recent newspaper headline revealed that
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is
25
Correct article usage
a 25
show examples
% increment in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
people
who are working from
home
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
which only 4% are males and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
are
famales
Correct your spelling
families
.
Moreover
, it is time and
money saving
Add a hyphen
money-saving
show examples
as well, as no need to go to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
and spend money on fares.
However
, it can be
also
a reason for
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of confidence and patience to
work
in a team. In my opinion, It is better to do
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
because
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
mind can concentrate on one thing at a time, so they can easily
distract
Wrong verb form
be distracted
show examples
if they are working at
home
.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, some
people
do not have any option to go to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
, so for them
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
from
home
is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
option. In conclusion,
work
at
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
and
work
at
home
, both views have their own benefits and
dreawbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
totally
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
upon a person
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how they want to do their jobs.
Submitted by navjot88005 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and words to smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and explanations to make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of the same words or phrases, and use varied vocabulary to enhance your writing style.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining your plan to address the topic thoroughly.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic and provides your personal opinion, which is a key aspect of task achievement.
task achievement
The points about improving communication skills and balancing work with family responsibilities strengthen your argument and show an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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