IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantage of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 have become very important by which individuals connect to each other socially. I personally believe that the drawbacks of
dependence
Use synonyms
 on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 outweigh the benefits because
while
Linking Words
 it makes
communication
Use synonyms
 easier and helps
people
Use synonyms
 multitask,
people
Use synonyms
 do not communicate face-to-face, and it makes
people
Use synonyms
 lazy.
People
Use synonyms
 do not communicate face-to-face because of
dependence
Use synonyms
 on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 are not interested in face-to-face open discussions, meetings, and catching up with their friends and colleagues anymore.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have become very lazy. They do not love to go out of their houses to meet up with their friends because they have alternative options for
communication
Use synonyms
 like mobiles and the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the young generation in Australia, do not communicate face-to-face because they find it boring and time-consuming.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
dependence
Use synonyms
 on mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 actually restricts real human
communication
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, with the help of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 individuals can easily communicate with each other whenever and wherever they want. When they get time they can call, send messages, arrange meetings through video calls and so on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Technology helps them to multitask, and
therefore
Linking Words
, they can save their time. They chat with their friends and families
while
Linking Words
 commuting to their workplaces, or
while
Linking Words
 doing physical exercise.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
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 in Japan, talk with their families over
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the phones
show examples
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
show examples
while
Linking Words
 running on footpaths.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
 is more important than virtual
communication
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
dependence
Use synonyms
 on mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has made
communication
Use synonyms
 easier, and allows
people
Use synonyms
 to multitask, I personally believe that the disadvantages of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages because they restrict face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
 and make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically. Consider the use of linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. While your essay is logically structured, enhancing the flow will provide clarity to the reader.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanation. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to further balance the advantages and disadvantages in your discussion to enhance the comprehensiveness of your response. Both sides should be thoroughly examined.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the argument for the essay. This helps guide the reader right from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a conclusion that effectively wraps up your ideas and reaffirms your stance on the topic, providing a clear end to your discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay covers the prompt well by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones and the internet in social relationships.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant communication
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face communication
  • social media platforms
  • messaging apps
  • sense of community
  • geographical boundaries
  • excessive use
  • virtual interaction
  • non-verbal cues
  • cyberbullying
  • privacy invasion
  • personal wellbeing
  • maintain relationships
  • connect with like-minded individuals
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