IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In the modern epoch, many organisations are spending a lot of money to find
oil
Use synonyms
 reserves. Some people think that
oil
Use synonyms
 will soon run out , so it is wise to spend
this
Linking Words
 capital on other
sources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as wind and solar.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why it is necessary to spend the resources on the
sources
Use synonyms
 of power in the impending paragraphs. After analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
, the first and foremost reason behind is that
oil
Use synonyms
 is the backbone of each and every industry.
For example
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, every petrochemical
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as Plastic, HDPE, and LDPE manufactured from
oil
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. Crude is converted to different products through a series of chemical processes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Fossil fuel is still a large source for producing electricity.
However
Linking Words
, it is predicted that fossil fuels will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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soon run out and it will cost more capital to find crude reserves. Probing ahead,
since
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in
show examples
 few decades, environmental issues
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 a big concern as it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
global warming.
In addition
Linking Words
,
oil
Use synonyms
 is the main contributor. So, people
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to look for alternative options
such
Linking Words
 as renewable energy
sources
Use synonyms
 because they do not cause any harm to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is wise to invest in these options.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays cars run on electric batteries which causes less pollution.
This
Linking Words
 point alone proves
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why renewable energy is important.
To conclude
Linking Words
, taking everything mentioned into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, I agree with the individuals who want to invest their
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable power. These
sources
Use synonyms
 produce zero carbon which will help to reduce carbon emissions and make
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 a better place.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance, but it could be more explicitly stated whether you agree or disagree with the statement. This could be achieved by concisely summarizing the main argument in one sentence.
task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the task, including more detailed examples could strengthen the argument. You may consider providing statistics or case studies regarding renewable energy successes.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical and clear structure. However, the transitions between the points could be improved to ensure seamless coherence. Use more linking words or phrases to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
In the paragraph discussing environmental issues, further elaboration on how investing in renewables counters global warming could provide a stronger argument. Linking back to the main point in conclusions of paragraphs would also help.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and clearly restates the opinion, emphasizing the need for investing in renewable sources.
task achievement
You provided a good comparison between fossil fuels and renewable energy, explaining the benefits of the latter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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