Advertising is the key for the success of businesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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I believe the most important recipe for the success of a business is advertising. The main reason is that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of products or services can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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sales positively.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because advertising helps businesses reach
wider
Add an article
a wider

The noun phrase wider audience seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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audience and promote their brand, attracting potential customers.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, companies can have greater sales, which means they can maximize their profit margin and achieve more financial stability.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most global companies,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as Pepsi,
spends
Change the verb form
spend

The verb spends does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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billions of dollars on
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, and they often report advertising their products is the most important aspect of their success. If,
in contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, businesses do not promote themselves through advertising, they may not compete with their rivals as their products or services might not be informed by many people.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, businesses can make financial progress via advertising.
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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a solid introduction and conclusion to frame your essay and make it more engaging. It would help in strengthening your argument.
logical structure
Ensure that the logical flow of your ideas is smooth by using more linking words and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents clear and relevant ideas, showcasing an understanding of the importance of advertising in business success.
relevant specific examples
The example of Pepsi spending on advertising supports your argument well, which adds credibility to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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