IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more mothers go out to work while fathers stay at home and look after the children. What do you think are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development in your opinion?

#mothers #work #fathers #home #children #development
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Nowadays,
while
Linking Words
 fathers look after the children, more mothers go out to
work
Use synonyms
.
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, it
depands
Correct your spelling
depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many factors in
diferent
Correct your spelling
different
families
Use synonyms
. Despite the historical principles where
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
sitting
Wrong verb form
sat
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
 and
look
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
 after the children
while
Linking Words
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
, in new
realitys
Correct your spelling
reality
realities
 all can
changes
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
essey
Add a comma
essey,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
decribe
Correct your spelling
describe
 norms in
families
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, who should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
look after the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 and who must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. Since ancient times, in people's
families
Use synonyms
 when
borned
Correct your spelling
born
bored
child
Use synonyms
,
mather
Correct your spelling
mother
show examples
 always be at
home
Use synonyms
 and looks after the
child
Use synonyms
, meanwhile
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 hunting or later working. In
this
Linking Words
 system,
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is significant
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
father
Use synonyms
 - almost always
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at
home
Use synonyms
 and doing
hosehold
Correct your spelling
household
 chores with
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 or children,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
father
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger - working. Nowadays, where every day something can change, we can observe that in some
families
Use synonyms
, mothers go out to
work
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 fathers
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it
depands
Correct your spelling
depends
demands
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 family and
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
. Basically in
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 has a big salary than
mather
Correct your spelling
mother
show examples
 or
mather
Correct your spelling
mother
show examples
 does not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 at all income and
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 provides
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 family.
However
Linking Words
, in some
families
Use synonyms
,
mother
Add an article
the mother
a mother
show examples
 has a
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
higher
show examples
 salary than
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 and
consequently
Linking Words
father
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
sitting
Change the verb
sit
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
. But, recently, women want to
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 despite the
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, it is a positive
develoment
Correct your spelling
development
. If women want to
work
Use synonyms
 and with big
icomes
Correct your spelling
incomes
 than
Use synonyms
father's
Change noun form
fathers
show examples
, let them
work
Use synonyms
. So, in some
ways
Add a comma
ways,
show examples
 it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea, but in other ways it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be bad
Submitted by ytka2033 on

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Grammar
Improve the clarity of your sentences by ensuring proper grammar and punctuation usage. For instance, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or real-world scenarios to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea or point to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
You addressed the task prompt, making clear your perspective on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your argument and bring it to a close.
Content
Acknowledging historical norms and their evolution provides a good context for your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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