May people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life , whereas others prefer to c h a n g e the type of work. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.
This
job
is very important for people
's lives. This
is not only winning money for people
.
We do not understand job
majors for people
.
People
sometimes only focus on winning the money they do not care about the job
but this
is a change for ideas because this
is firstly
important
Correct article usage
an important
job
.
If you like a job
you want to quickly go to a job
because you like a job
. Sometimes we know some people
do not like jobs because they person
upset and quickly angry.
We understand the person does not like your Verb problem
are
job
.
The person ıf does not like a job
should be change
the type of work Change the verb form
change
for example
, if she does not like customers and she wants to nurse she is
should go to university andUnnecessary verb
apply
studies
for the nursing exam she should not focus on money or age she is only focusing on your like a Fix the agreement mistake
study
job
. Unfortunately, we go to work all our life
because ıf we want to good life we should go to work.
The Fix the agreement mistake
lives
child
should choose careers according to
their abilities. If the child
grows up and does not like to choose a job
the child
must change your job
.
We should not put pressure on your
Correct pronoun usage
our
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
for choosing
a Change preposition
to choose
job
. Sometimes we think we are the only ones who think the truth but this
is wrong we only think about our children.
We should take care of our children and ıf our child
does not like current
Correct pronoun usage
their current
his current
her current
job
we care for this
situation and support our child
.Submitted by kubrairmak287 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents two perspectives on the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion to provide a more cohesive argument. Consider outlining the main points you intend to discuss at the beginning and summarizing your opinion at the end.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically. For instance, group together all points supporting the idea of staying in the same job, and then discuss those supporting changing careers. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have covered both sides of the argument, but make sure each point is directly relevant to the prompt. For example, some points could be more explicitly linked to the advantages or disadvantages of staying in one job versus changing jobs.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention a specific field or how different life stages might influence one's career choices. This will make your argument more relatable and persuasive.
task achievement
You have made a clear effort to present both sides of the argument, acknowledging that people have different preferences when it comes to their careers.
task achievement
There is a notable attempt to connect job satisfaction with broader life impacts, highlighting the significance of enjoying one's work beyond financial gain.
task achievement
You show empathy towards the needs and desires of individuals, particularly children, which reflects an understanding of personal freedom and happiness in career choice.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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