IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, shops open for longer hours daily every week. What is the negative or positive effects of this on the shoppers and local community. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #shops #hours #week #effects #shoppers #community
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Shopping is necessary for
people
 to live. The local
market
 or supermarket should be all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
open
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
 do not leave daytime some
people
 work in
night
shift
 ,
for example
, nurses or doctors they hungry
night
shift
 and they go to the
market
. In my opinion,
this
situation
 does not have negative effects on
people
on the contrary
this
 is good for
people
. Some
people
 believe that ıf all the time opening the local
market
 or mall the human all the time go shopping and they do not save
money
 but
this
 is not true. If the person wants to spend all the
money
 the person goes shopping day. The person sometimes wants snacks at
night
 and
ıf
Correct word choice
if ıf
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have enough material ,
for example
, bread or cheese they should go to the
market
.
This
situation
 does not have negative effects on
people
's lives. In my opinion, some
people
 really care about
this
situation
 and they only focus on saving
money
. The
people
 like a spend
money
 and they do not stop for
this
situation
. In my opinion, not all
openings
Replace the word
open
show examples
 markets but some markets should be opening for emergency situations. The
people
 know the opening
market
for example
, my country pharmacy takes turns keeping opening
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night
 and they have a
night
shift
 list. The
people
 ıf want to know the search of the internet
this
 learning. The system is very good maybe likely
system
Correct article usage
a system
show examples
 for the supermarket the supermarket takes turns keeping opening the
night
 and they have a
night
shift
 list.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas. Consider structuring your thoughts more clearly, possibly by using transitional phrases or words to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. This will provide a clear start and end to your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your main argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Use more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments, enabling a more comprehensive task achievement.
task achievement
You offer relevant examples of how different working hours affect shopping habits. This positively contributes to task achievement.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion about the situation, stating that extended shopping hours are beneficial for people who may have different schedules.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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