IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #work
Some people believe that it is good for
children
 to do paid
work
 to gain experience,
while
 others think it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I think that paid
work
 can cause more problems for
children
 compared to any advantages it might bring. Despite the drawbacks mentioned, I believe there are some benefits. Paid
work
 can provide valuable experience that
children
 can use in any workplace. It helps them develop skills at a young age and teaches them how to manage money responsibly. It
also
 helps them appreciate the effort required to earn money and can prepare them for their future.
However
, there are some challenges when
children
 engage in paid
work
. One issue is that it may expose them to responsibilities too early, which could prevent them from continuing in the workforce long-term.
For example
, starting
work
 at a very young age might disrupt their ability to focus on their education. A good education is the foundation for a successful life, and prioritizing schoolwork is essential. In conclusion,
while
 paid
work
 can help
children
 gain valuable experience and financial awareness, it is important to balance
this
 with their education and
overall
 well-being. Developing an understanding of money and
work
 ethics is useful, but it should not come at the expense of their future opportunities.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of paid work for children. For instance, discussing a child balancing school and a part-time job could make your argument more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed support for your main points to enhance the argument. For example, elaborate on how work experience can specifically benefit children in their future careers.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the two perspectives before highlighting your stance on the issue.
logical structure
The essay has a logical flow, presenting both advantages and challenges before concluding with a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial independence
  • responsibility
  • valuable skills
  • impact
  • education
  • exploitation
  • negative effects
  • social life
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!