Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Some
children
use their time
for their smartphones
every day. The reason why they spend a lot of time
is that smartphones
have many apps
which children
is
addicted to, Change the verb form
are
for example
, YouTube apps
, Instagram apps
and so on. With regard to YouTube apps
, children
love to watch the youtuber
who is famous among the Correct your spelling
YouTuber
children
. In addition
, the apps
recommend new videos after finishing the previous movie, so children
cannot stop watching videos. On the other hand
, Instagram apps
show children
the
series of new Correct article usage
a
information
, which is about interesting younger's
cultures, so Change noun form
younger
children
cannot stop scrolling up
the Change preposition
through
information
, therefore
they use
much Verb problem
spend
time
for
Change preposition
on
smartphones
. In my opinion, spending hours on their phone has positive and negative aspects. Fast
, positive feature is that Correct article usage
A fast
children
can make good relationships with friends due to
getting new information
from smartphones
. For instance
, in their school, children
enjoy talking about famous youtubers
and new Correct your spelling
YouTubers
information
, so children
need these contents
to communicate with their friends. If Fix the agreement mistake
this content
children
could not get the contents, they would not get in
friend's conversations. Change preposition
into
In contrast
, there are negative features about using smartphones
too. Most
serious problem is Add an article
A most
The most
children
lose their time
for studying or talking with their family. For example
, in Japan, some families prohibit using the smartphone, because children
don't do their homework or the arrangements of housework. Additionally
, some children
lose their score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
of
tests in their school. Change preposition
on
Thus
, using the
Correct article usage
apply
smartphone
has Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
negative
influence Correct article usage
a negative
to
Change preposition
on
youngers
. Correct your spelling
younger
To sum up
, smartphones
have interesting apps
thus
children
use much
Verb problem
spend
time
for
them. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, using smartphones
have
positive and negative prospects.Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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Work on making your ideas more structured and logically connected. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear topic and the transition between points is smoother.
Try to expand and develop your ideas further. This means not only presenting them but also explaining them in more detail to improve clarity.
Use more specific examples to support your points. While you have included examples, providing more details would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both why children spend time on smartphones and the positive and negative aspects of this habit.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and a concluding statement, helping to frame your response well.
task achievement
The essay discusses real-world applications and implications, making it relevant and relatable.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion