Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think it is government responsibility to limit people's sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual's responsibility to limit the amount of suger they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years,
consumption
of Correct article usage
the consumption
suger
has become a topic of considerable debate. Correct your spelling
sugar
While
some people
argue that it is Correct article usage
the government
government
Change noun form
government's
responsibility
to control
the level of suger
intake of its citizens, others point out that it should be an individual Correct your spelling
sugar
responsibility
. In my opinion, I consider that keep
limitations on Wrong verb form
keeping
suger
is a personal Correct your spelling
sugar
choise
rather than Correct your spelling
choice
control
by outsiders.
On the one hand, an indiviual
has more Correct your spelling
individual
responsiblitily
to maintain his or her Correct your spelling
responsibility
health
becasue
if Correct your spelling
because
get
sick, he or she will suffer. So they need to implement their own regulations on Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
consume
but Replace the word
consumption
people
do not think deeply about this
control
because they cannot control
their habits or feelings. As an example, it is easy to follow diet
without sweet items or can reduce daily intake of Add an article
a diet
the diet
suger
contents like cakes or soft drinks which Correct your spelling
sugar
contains
high Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
suger
. But they Correct your spelling
sugar
unintentinally
consume a lot of sweet Correct your spelling
unintentionally
itemes
. So, having Correct your spelling
items
control
of suger
gives huge benefits Correct your spelling
sugar
on
Change preposition
to
health
but people
do not care much about control
their desires.
Wrong verb form
controlling
On the other hand
, the government has a responsibility
to improve its citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
health
. Every country has a health
department and a minister to implement adequate regulations on most of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the health
health related
matters Add a hyphen
health-related
such
as control
of suger
content in soft drinks or Correct your spelling
sugar
publish
healthy calorie intakes per day or healthy Wrong verb form
publishing
rate
of various foods or drinks. When doing Fix the agreement mistake
rates
these kind
of measures, Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
people
tend to follow those
Correct pronoun usage
them
becasue
they know that the benefits of adjusting their habits Correct your spelling
because
which
positively influence Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
their Change preposition
apply
health
.
In conclusion, while
government
should implement Correct article usage
the government
necessary
policies to Correct article usage
the necessary
control
its citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
suger
content, Correct your spelling
sugar
but
I think Correct word choice
apply
the a
person has Choose an article
the
a
major
Add an article
a major
responsibility
to control
their own suger
intake because of Correct your spelling
sugar
health
concerns.Submitted by surangaprasad90 on
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task achievement
Make sure each point is fully developed with clear and specific examples. This will help clarify your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You presented both views clearly, showing an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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