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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

«Prevention is better than cure” Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extend do you agree?

In the modern world, a sea change in the priorities of
people
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 has been observed regarding the medical field.
People
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 believe that forestallation of
disease
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 is conductive
instead
Linking Words
 of it's
treatment
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. In my opinion, I align with the viewpoint that
although
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 prevention is of paramount importance,
research
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 and
treatment
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 should be available to mitigate future risks to human
health
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.
To begin
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 with, precluding
illness
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 and bacterial infection prevents the human body from suffering bad experiences of the
disease
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, and even it not only helps to maintain body processes but
also
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 does not alter the immune system of
people
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.
Moreover
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, prevention of
illness
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also
Linking Words
 reduces the cost associated with therapy and human life.
For instance
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, a survey suggested that the actuarial related to
people
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's
health
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 is 60 per cent depends on individuals' concerns and cautiousness regarding their
health
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.
Thus
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, it is conclusively clear that to mitigate the negative effects on the body and expenditure, it is crucial to prevent
disease
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instead
Linking Words
 of curing it, so investment in preventative measures enables us to mitigate future
health
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 risks.
However
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, exemption from researching and treating
disease
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 is indispensable, because exposure to
illness
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 needs
treatment
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 and
research
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 to forestall future pernicious effects of the
disease
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. To illustrate that, several deaths
due to
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 covid-19 virus could be thwarted, if scientists conduct proper
research
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 in that area.
Additionally
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, some diseases,
such
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 as skin cancer, cannot be prevented by being careful about
health
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. The main cause of skin cancer is sun rays and harmful elements in the air; both air and sun radiation are significant for
people
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's lives.
Therefore
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, it can be evident that scientists and doctors should promote
treatment
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 and
research
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 relevant to
disease
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. In conclusion,
while
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 prevention is better than cure and
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should invest in preventative measures,
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 and
treatment
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 of
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
also
Linking Words
 prevent many unexpected and unpreventable
Use synonyms
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
Your Task Achievement can be enhanced by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Try to include real-world data or studies to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well and providing a solid start and end to your discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt effectively by discussing both sides of the argument. This balanced approach strengthens your Task Achievement score.
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