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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the global emissions in 1990 and 2011 in different parts of the world. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the global emissions in 1990 and 2011 in different parts of the world. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided
two
Use synonyms
 pie charts illustrate the data about the percentages of British
students
Use synonyms
 who
speaks
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
forein
Correct your spelling
foreign
languages
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to English at the university in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 speak
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
speak
Replace the word
spoken
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 were German and
two
Use synonyms
 other
languages
Use synonyms
 in both years. In 2000, the highest number of
students
Use synonyms
 used Spanish which was 30%
whereas
Linking Words
 the trend
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rose
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
 5% in 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 of people who prefer
French
Change the article
the French
show examples
 language has declined from 15% to 10%
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2000 and 2010. As same
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
students
Use synonyms
 who used no other
langauage
Correct your spelling
language
 declined from 20% to 10% but the
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
 for another language increased from 15% to 20% in 2000 and 2010. In 2010, there were four categories of
lanuage
Correct your spelling
language
 styles
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 less
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
 which were,
two
Use synonyms
 other
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
, German, French and English
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. The usage
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of these four categories was 10% in 2010. The student's choice has not changed for German and
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 which show 10% use in both years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, students, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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